Phone: 616-217-9489 | eMail: jude@midlifetoolsforliving.com
JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
It never ceases to amaze me what information you can find on the internet for free. I’ve looked up a knitting stitches I’ve had trouble understanding from the picture and explanations in books. And, low and behold in the matter of seconds have found short video clips that help me see what I was missing. Not every change is a change challenge!
Not so many years ago, a problem like that would have involved a trip to the nearest knitting store or visiting a friend who knits for a skilled knitter to show me how to do it. And in less than a minute my dilemma was resolved. Just took an instant fix to a problem I was having.
In my life time there has been a tremendous amount of change. Often, I see value in the benefits change has provided. However, frequently I shake my head in frustration longing for the good old days when life was simpler! Or so it seems at times looking back.
Like you knew you’d find the products you’ve come to enjoy on the store shelf each week. Or, you could get something fixed when it broke or a part wore out. That’s all changed.
It’s a challenge to find some products I’ve come to enjoy! And, finding someone to fix things or locating parts at times can be more hassle than it is worth doing.
I am a “tech idiot”—a description I’ve given me as a way of laughing with myself and my tech follies. It’s also a way to explain to tech savvy people my level of skill when I am trying to talk with them about things I haven’t the proper words or understanding to communicate clearly to them.
Many years ago, the host of my website made some upgrades in the tools used to create the sites they host. I learned of this logging into my account to add a new blog post that week.
The upgrade changes challenged me greatly. It took me some time to learn how to use them. Sure, the host was very happy to have offered such new and improved tools to their customers. I however, was not at all happy. In fact, I was so frustrated that for about 24 hours I considered whether or not to delete my website or move it someplace else.
After the frustrated energy inside me dissipated, my wise mind kicked in. I was able to see more clearly and realized that no matter what I want, technology change challenge is going to keep right on happening.
My minimal skill level will either continue to be a source of frustration for me or I can use each change challenge as an opportunity to learn a new skill or two.
There is no sense swimming upstream against the current of change and waste precious time, energy and peace of mind. It is what it is.
And I am who I am, a generation or two removed from what’s currently being taught in school. It’s a great big world of things to learn.
So, it’s good for me to remember just how simple and easy it is to locate solutions to my knitting problems when some new “fangled” change challenge phenomena get under my skin!
How are you at negotiating through the change challenges in your life? What tools help you cope?
If you are having some extra stress adapting to change challenges, Do Contact Me! I can assist you with learning some life coping tools like how to find your wise mind! You have one too!
I offer Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, PTSD Treatment and Substance Abuse Treatment.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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Several years ago, I had a professional manicure and it was yummy. It was fun to have fancy fingers for a while. It was even better to have rid myself of some shame I had carried for a very long time. I went on a ‘shame diet’ that day.
I realized in the mist of my manicure what it was that kept me from having the experience sooner in my life. When I was in high school way back a thousand years ago, in speech class we had to do a demonstration speech. I was a very awkward freshman that year.
One of my classmates was in a cosmetology program and she did a demonstration speech on doing a manicure and asked for a volunteer. I was up in the front and offered. But she took one look at my fingernails and made a disparaging comment about my nails and found someone else.
I don’t recall anything else about her speech except her arguing with the teacher about whether it was ok to cut cuticles or not…she said it was and the speech teacher said NO!
So, I asked my manicurist that day whether it was ok or not since I wondered all those years. And yes, Mrs. grumpy whatever your name is speech teacher, it is ok to cut cuticles!
That comment and my shame about my nails kept me from having someone give me a manicure for so many years!
Comments we make towards others can have dramatic effects on them. I understand that the student needed an easier set of fingernails to tackle for her 3-minute speech. I don’t blame her at all. But, that comment made in front of a whole classroom of people stayed with me all those years.
What I did as the manicurist worked on my nails was to tell her a bit of my story which allowed me to release the shame I had carried all those years…finally and thankfully too!
We all experience shame in life in varying degrees. It’s just a part of the human condition.
Circumstances come together in ways that affect us. I might have been able to brush off that comment if other things had been different in my life up until the moment it was made.
What is most important is that we give ourselves the gift of opening up with someone we can trust about the shame we carry so we can release the load.
I have to admit that I did feel a tad bit lighter that day leaving the salon…I call it a “shame diet”!
1. What is an experience from the past that you carry and are willing and ready to lose the weight of today?
2. Determine who might you confide in to share your experience.
3. And then make time to share of your experience to lighten your load!
If the shame you carry is too overwhelming do reach out for some professional help. You can Contact Me today and get your ‘shame diet’ started!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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We all wish for each other to have a happy new year. But in reality, it takes more than wishes to create a happier new year! It takes intention and attention and practice too.
Read on to find some keys to open a few doors towards a happier new year!
An important question to ask yourself especially when you find yourself feeling on the unhappy side of life.
There are so many ugly things happening all over the world. We can get so bogged down with what is going on out there in out their land. We can’t control it. But we can control how much we expose ourselves to it.
Same with what other people think and how they react. That is there’s not ours to control. We only have the power to tend to our reactions and thoughts and the way we communicate with others. We do have the choice to not let others reactions which we have no control over get to us!
No, that stuff that upsets us won’t go away. However, we don’t have to make things we have no control over be our central focus and keep us from having a happier new year.
There was a beautiful sun set in West Michigan the other day that filled the sky with bright pinks and oranges that bounced off the clouds all over the sky. I savored it. And I can still see it in my minds eye.
As I write this my husband it sitting with our cat Teddy who is purring away all cuddled up in his arms. So sweet them both. So calm and peaceful. My body relaxes just watching them.
I can see the smiling faces of strangers I’ve helped load groceries into their cars. And the faces of people who’ve helped me load heavy items into mine. Those few seconds of joy for us still bring a smile to my heart.
We can pause to collect and also to reflect back on these moments of joy and bring them forward to make a happier new year.
Knowing this answer can help us be sure to find a balance in our lives. We really have to keep our energy level in check so we have what we need in our lives for each step of our journey.
What give-ith and take-ith away is unique to each one of us. While I find quiet time helps fill me up others find it terribly dreadful to endure. A song may lighten my heart and be nothing but noise to someone else’s ears.
Allowing ourselves to know when our energy bank is drained and giving ourselves permission to fill it back up can help us to enjoy a happier new year.
When we hang on to resentments and anger it really hurts us deeply. Forgiveness is really for ourselves not for the other person. We don’t have to forget what happened in order to forgive either.
We feel freer when we forgive. It’s freeing to let go of the bitterness that binds us down. Bitterness keeps us tied to the past repeating the offense in our minds eye over and over and over again.
Forgiveness indeed can unlock the door to a happier new year.
My wish for you is to find what your heart needs you to do in order to make 2026 a Happier New Year!
Jude
If you find this impossible to do, Contact Me to begin therapy today! Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, Substance Abuse Treatment, PTSD Treatment can make a difference and help you make 2026 a happier new year!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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We know that extreme heat puts people at risk for having heat related illnesses like heat exhaustion and heat stroke. Now we know that heat in the extreme also has serious effects on our mental health too!
Heat raises your body’s level of cortisol. Cortisol is a stress hormone that is located in your brain. The rise of cortisol can affect our behavior and create mood changes.
This increased stress we feel can make people irritable under the right circumstances. And can lead to increased aggression, including incidences of domestic violence.
Extreme heat increases irritability, symptoms of depression and anxiety and even suicidal thoughts and actions. Even a slight bump in the average monthly temperature leads to increases in suicide and suicidal behavior.
Sleep difficulties are associated with extreme heat and contribute to and further exacerbate mental health symptoms. This is due to a rise in the levels of cortisol in our bodies.
Excessive heat can alter our levels of serotonin a neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood, behavior and sleep. And may lead to changes in mood such as anger, frustration or irritability.
High temperatures are linked with memory problems, attention and reaction time changes.
Higher heat is connected with increased substance use.
Alcohol is a diuretic. It increases urine production and leads to fluid loss. If alcohol is not balanced with sufficient water intake it causes dehydration. This is especially so during times of extreme heat.
Those of us especially vulnerable to the impacts of extreme heat are older adults, children and those of us with preexisting mental health conditions.
Studies report days with higher-than-normal temperatures during the summer are linked with increased rates of visits to emergency departments for mental health-related conditions. This includes mood disorders.
People with dementia have an increased risk for hospitalization and death during heat waves.
If you are taking some psychiatric medications, including certain antidepressants and antipsychotics you might be at risk. These medications can affect the way a person’s body regulates temperature.
Certain antidepressants, antipsychotics and benzodiazepines can also decrease thirst sensations. As a result people aren’t aware they’re becoming dehydrated.
If you take lithium do know it causes the kidneys to release more water creating more urination and sweating potentially causes dehydration. As a result, lithium levels in the body can become concentrated, and that can be toxic.
Importantly do consult with your doctor if you are concerned about any of your medications.
We are all encouraged to stay hydrated and take precautions. This is especially true for those of us who are more vulnerable to extreme heat.
It’s important to check in on those people you know who may be more vulnerable to extreme heat conditions to see how they are faring.
In periods of extreme heat do stay in a cool environment as much as possible during. Do drink plenty of water to stay hydrated! And do try some stress-management tools like meditation to decrease your stress level.
This great website can help you get a start learning and practicing with meditation: Mindful.org How to Meditate
If you find the stress of dealing with the excessive heat is overwhelming you, do reach out for help. With Depression Therapy and Anxiety Therapy you learn additional stress coping tools!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools!
Did you know that your mental health is essential for your overall well being at every stage of your life? That being said it makes good sense then to invest time and energy to make your mental health a priority!
Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month it’s a perfect time to do a check in to see how well you are doing.
It’s likely you’ve been feeling a bit more stressed of late. You are not alone either. All one has to do is turn on the news or read an article or post on social media and bam we are hit with barrage of negativity.
Feels like the world is shouting at us from all directions. It’s noisy, loud and in our faces no matter where we look too. People are worked up, some scared and some angry. Even when driving we can encounter the intensity of those around us.
All this can lead to feeling more anxious, drained, perhaps a bit depressed too. We all are carrying a load these days. Sometimes we can’t really afford to power through it all.
Consequently we need to pause, recognize our emotional distress and find some tools to take good care of our emotional well-being.
It might seem kinda obvious, but really just how often do you ask yourself how you are feeling — and then pause to really consider your response?
Checking in on your mental health starts with assessing how you are feeling. Do you notice feeling stress, anxiety, worry, sadness, anger, irritability, depressed or other challenging emotions?
Use a scale of 1 to 10 to determine just how much of the emotional distress you carry with 1 being little and 10 being the highest. It can help to take note of how you feel at the same time each day.
Keep track in a notebook or journal, or simply keep a mental track of your numbers. If your number goes up, that’s a sign you need to pay attention to your mental health.
It’s also important to notice how you’re feeling physically, too. Some ways mental health concerns can show up physically include:
*Stress: Headaches, body pains, skin rashes, or worsening of chronic health problems
*Anxiety: Headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, or frequent urination
*Depression: Appetite changes, weight loss or gain, loss of energy, and unexplained aches and pains
So, take note of any of these physical symptoms of stress too!
So, turn your phone off or put it on do not disturb for a set period of time that you determine is needed for your peace of mind. Give yourself permission to disconnect from calls, texts, emails, alerts, social media, Facebook and the news too.
This can help you to reclaim some calm and a sense of control.
After all, the world will be there when you get back to it! And that’s whether you like it or not too!
We can ease anxiety and distress by noticing and focusing on our breathing. By taking a few deep, intentional breaths we can shift our entire mindset.
One way of practice is to: 1) Breathe in slowly. 2) Hold breath. 3) Breathe out.
Notice the breath coming into your nose and filling up your chest as it expands. Notice what happens as you hold your breath and then what occurs as you exhale. Doing this for just 60 seconds can lower your stress level.
When you practice breath focus you remind your nervous system that you are safe and there is no need to be on red alert. And then your system calms down with you.
By taking a walk-in nature, a hike through the woods, a group fitness class, or going to the gym you can increase your energy levels, reduce depression, and boost your mental health well-being.
Dance around the house while you do chores. You will not only get your work done, but dancing reduces levels of cortisol, a stress hormone in your body and increases endorphin’s, that are your body’s “feel-good” chemicals.
Stretching, yoga, tai-chi can all help with managing stress, relaxation, getting better sleep and are a way to help improve our mental health.
What are you doing to bring yourself joy? Can’t think of anything? Might be time to change that.
With so much to do and so much going on it’s easy to push leisure to the bottom of the pile. Taking time and making opportunity to be happy is important to your mental health.
Here are a few ways to incorporate joy into your life:
*You can create a gratitude journal. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Gratitude is a powerful way to shift your outlook. Seeing the glass half full is a wise perspective. Especially in the midst of challenges there are still things we can be thankful for.
*Do something new—plan a mini getaway, get creative with a new recipe, try painting a picture, do a new craft project, write a poem. Creative expression and positive well-being are linked and help relieve stress and anxiety too.
*Laugh—watch a funny movie or television show. Visit with loved ones who make you smile. Go hang out with a funny friend or check out funny videos online. Laughter helps reduce anxiety. Let laughter and smiles warm your heart.
*Spend time with a furry friend—your dog, cat, or another loving pet. Time with animals actually lowers the stress hormone – cortisol, and boosts oxytocin – which stimulates feelings of happiness. If you don’t have a pet you might hang out with a friend who does or volunteer at a shelter.
*Go sit outside in the sun for 15 minutes. Don’t forget the sunscreen. Sunlight synthesizes Vitamin D that experts believe is a mood elevator.
*Put a smile on your face. While it may not be easy to do, smiling does help to lower your heart rate and calms you down.
Having a strong support system is important for our mental health. Do you have someone(s) in your life who you consider trustworthy and loving and you can turn to when you need it most? If not perhaps it’s time to build up your support team.
Support team members can be a partner, sibling, healthcare provider, faith leader, friend or other trusted individual.
Do have at least one person in your life who you can trust to: give good advice when you need and ask for it, is respectful and trustworthy, gives you space to make your own decisions, grow, and even make mistakes too.
Also have someone(s) who actually listens to you and has your best interest at heart.
Support groups are a resource to find a group of people who can relate to your challenges and provide support. There are numerous kinds of support groups in every community too. Call 211 a help referral source here in Michigan to find a group near you.
Also, give yourself permission to reach out for professional counseling if your mental health is making it hard to function well with all the challenges you face.
Above all, remember that recognizing we need help and asking for it is indeed a strength!
Do Contact Me to begin therapy today! Don’t wait to take good care of yourself!
Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, PTSD Treatment, Substance Abuse Treatment
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tool
Alcohol awareness question 1: Do you know how an alcohol drink is measured as in I only had one or two? Alcohol awareness is important to have. Well, here in the United States, a “standard drink” is any beverage containing 0.6 fluid ounces or 14 grams of pure alcohol. So exactly what does that mean?
*12 ounces of regular beer, about 5% alcohol
*8-10 ounces of malt liquor or flavored malt beverages such as hard seltzer, about 7% alcohol
*5 ounces of table wine, 12% alcohol
*3-4 ounces of fortified wine, 17% alcohol
*2-3 ounces of cordial, liqueur, aperitif, 40% alcohol
*1.5 ounces of brandy or cognac, about 40% alcohol
*1.5 ounces or a shot of distilled spirits—gin, rum, tequila, vodka, whiskey, about 40% alcohol
Say beer…what equals 1 standard drink? 12 ounces. So, 16 ounces is 1 1/3 drinks, 22 ounces is 2 drinks and 40 ounces is 3 1/3 drinks.
With malt liquor 12 ounces is 1 ½ drinks, 16 ounces is 2 drinks, 22 ounces is 2 ½ drinks and 40 ounces is 3 1/3 drinks. Malt liquor has more alcohol content.
A regular size bottle of wine (750 ml) is 5 drinks!
With 80 proof distilled spirits—a shot is 1 drink. A mixed drink or cocktail has 1 or more drinks in it depending on the number of shots in it. A half pint is 4 ½ drinks and a pint or half bottle has 8 ½ drinks in it.
Guess how many drinks in a fifth…17 drinks!
Alcohol misuse includes binge drinking and heavy drinking. Misuse of alcohol increases your risk of experiences harmful consequences due to drinking. The more drinks you consume on any day and the more alcohol misuse over time and the greater the risk you have for developing problems.
When someone binge drinks they have a pattern of drinking alcohol that brings their blood alcohol concentration (BAC) to 0.08%. This typically happens when a woman has four or more drinks, or a man has five or more drinks, within about two hours.
Heavy drinking for women is consuming four or more drinks on any day or eight or more per week. And for men consuming five or more drinks on any day or 15 or more drinks in a week.
If you would like to learn more including how alcohol affects your health check out the Substance Abuse And Mental Health Services Administration website and explore this resource:
Now that you have increased your alcohol awareness, if you are concerned about your own or a loved one’s alcohol use know it is ok to reach out for substance abuse treatment. Do Contact Me today!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
March 7, 2023
I have a few crocuses planted in our front yard. Each year I look eagerly to see if, just if they have come up yet. They are a sign of spring hope. After the long often gloomy winters we have here in West Michigan they are eagerly awaited.
In 2023 on the 7th of March I was thrilled to see a tiny little purple ray of spring hope shining in my yard! She had popped out of the ground and made her debut. She was the only one who had been brave enough to poke her nose up out of the ground and bloom so early that year.
She was snowed upon more than once, iced upon and kept on coming back for more bloom time in March of 2023. She was not about to give up!
This year she has a partner who popped out to join her for their first spring appearance on March 12th. The snow had been piled high on top of them and just melted away a day or so before they bloomed.
Somedays when things have grown tough, I need a little reminder of the courage and strength of others who endure and keep on going and don’t give up.
It’s easy to get discouraged and even lose hope when things aren’t working out as fast or in the way as we hoped or want it to be. However, it’s important to learn how to ride the waves, turn the corners, hike up the mountain a bit further, and keep blooming in the face of adversity.
Fortunately, we don’t have to look very hard to find some spring hope whether it be a situation Mother Nature provides or a person we know of who like the ‘Energizer Bunny’ keeps on keeping on no matter what.
We can with intention openly take notice of the courage and strength on display in the world around us and allow this inspirational energy to flow into our hearts!
Take a long look at the people in your circle of the world. Notice who has weathered through hardships and the qualities they possess that helped them do so. Let them bring some spring hope into your heart.
Look at the worlds of Mother Nature around you. Notice the amazing feats of the animal, plant, insect, geographical worlds in your neighborhood. Soak it all in and let Mother Nature inspire your heart.
Do reach out for professional help. Sometimes therapy is what helps us find hope when life feels utterly dark and dreary.
Through Grief Therapy, Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, PTSD Treatment or Substance Abuse Treatment spring hope is possible to find.
Do Contact Me Today!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
March 11, 2023
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March 12, 2025
In this happy heart month of February not everyone has a happy heart to share with others. This is a challenging time for many of us for all kinds of reasons. It is an opportune time for some good care taking.
Care taking and bearing witness to suffering of any kind is in itself very painful. I am reminded of that from the blog post 7/17/14, “Let me kiss it and make it all better” which still rings true for me today.
Back then I wrote: “It is painful to watch someone we love struggle through a hard time—it just is. We want to soothe away their distress and calm their fear and worries, but we can’t kiss it and make it all better.”
But as I wrote in 2014: “We can offer support, reassurance and love but we don’t have the power to make the wound go away. And even if we did, the life lessons to be gained from the challenges they face would be lost.”
Actually, we would be doing our loved one more harm than good if we cleared their slate and wiped it all away.
I’ve found it to be true for me in my life. As I noted in 2014: “I know I’ve learned so much from working through the really hard realities of my own inner turmoil”. I do know I would not be who I am today if I had not done all the hard work to be here, to have learned all it’s taken to get here.
“To give that struggle to those we love by simply hearing of it however, takes courage. It is painful to stand alongside someone and simply offer support and comfort.”
Yet that is what we all need on our life journey. The support and comfort we receive from another human being brings us connection. It is the connection that we need. We are not so alone. We learn we are not the only one. This is care taking at its finest.
When we muster the courage to share that inner most pain with someone we trust we begin to heal the wound. We do the work. And we learn and grow. Our resilience and strength grow too.
Care taking of ourselves is hard work. Facing pain from wounds takes courage. We might want to avoid the pain, wish it away, drink ourselves numb to it, or try to stuff it deep down inside. But until we take care of ourselves and face it and work through it, the wound in our heart remains wide open.
Validating our own experience can be a place to start. Writing in a journal or writing a letter to yourself can help you give words to legitimize the pain in your heart and start to face the wounds you carry.
Finding a trusted person to connect with and share of your pain can help your healing journey. Someone you can be open and honest with, who will accept you and validate your feelings and experiences. Someone who will offer support, reassurance and care.
Sometimes in care taking of ourselves it can be useful to give ourselves the opportunity to engage in professional therapy/counseling. This is especially important if we experience symptoms that truly interfere in our daily functioning.
Do remember that you can indeed do whatever it takes to help your wounded heart heal! And importantly, you deserve to do good care taking of you too!
In your care taking Do Contact Me to begin Depression Therapy, Anxiety Therapy, PTSD Treatment, Substance Abuse Treatment, Grief Therapy to help your wounded heart heal!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools!
Photo by Nicole Michalou Pixels
Did you know that high intensity drinking is a high-level form of binge drinking? To binge drink means a woman consumes 4 or more drinks in a single drinking episode and a man consume 5 or more. A high intensity drinker doubles that amount. So, 8 or more standard drinks consumed for women and 10 or more for men in one drinking episode.
High intensity drinking is drinking a lot of alcohol in a short span of time and is extremely dangerous.
According to The National institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, “In the United States, one “standard” drink (or one alcoholic drink equivalent) contains roughly 14 grams of pure alcohol, which is found in: 12 ounces of regular beer, which is usually about 5% alcohol. 5 ounces of wine, which is typically about 12% alcohol. 1.5 ounces of distilled spirits, which is about 40% alcohol.”
First off, our bodies can only process about one drink of alcohol an hour. Even this varies depending on your weight, your age, and even your sex.
Women typically have higher blood alcohol concentrations than men after drinking the same amount of alcohol. That is because women have proportionally more body fat and less water than do men even when they weight the same. Since alcohol is dispersed in body water, women’s bodies take longer to process alcohol than men ‘s bodies do.
When we consume a lot of alcohol in a short time, the amount in our bloodstream can stop our body from working properly. People who do high-intensity drinking are more likely to drive while drunk, be injured while drunk, have physical fights, get arrested, end up in the emergency department, take part in risky sexual behavior, vomit, pass out, black out—not remember what happened and get alcohol poisoning.
Alcohol poisoning happens when levels of alcohol in the bloodstream harm our internal organs and can affect our breathing and heart rate. About 2200 people die in the US each year from alcohol poisoning.
A new study from the University of Southern California revealed that levels of heavy drinking rose significantly, 20 percent during the pandemic and have stayed elevated in the post-pandemic years.
Young people and men have historically been associated with heavy drinking. But new research notes a sharp rise in heavy drinking among adults in their 40s.
The reasons someone might drink excessive alcohol range from having a genetic disposition to self-medicating.
For young people high-intensity drinking is motivated by the expectation that it would make them more social and help them have fun with friends.
It turns out in part this is now true for middle aged people too! A recent National survey shows that middle-aged and older adults also drink excessively during social events. In addition, they also reported using drinking as a way to deal with stress.
Many studies find that people intensify their drinking to celebrate special occasions and bond with friends and family during holidays. Also, high intensity drinking is more common around special occasions and holidays including New Year’s Eve.
According to The Centers for Disease Control and estimated 178,000 people die from excessive alcohol use each year in the United States. Men are the most likely to die from alcohol-related causes, but women have become 2.5 times more likely to do so! The Midwest has had the steepest rise of alcohol related deaths.
Take a moment and think about what is most important to you this holiday season. Do you want solid memories of an enjoyable holiday with family and friends? Or are you willing to risk drinking so much alcohol that you can’t remember what happened? Perhaps cause a drunk driving accident and end up in jail? Or puke all over your friends living room floor and need to be carried to the car and driven home?
When you drink at high intensity levels the risks are high.
Some of the health risks of consuming too much alcohol includes brain damage. Alcohol interferes with our brain’s communication pathways that affect our moods, behavior and coordination.
When we drink too much our heart can be damaged causing cardiomyopathy, arrhythmias, high blood pressure and strokes. Heavy drinking can lead to liver disease, including cirrhosis, alcoholic hepatitis and liver fibrosis.
Heavy drinking increases our risk for various cancers including mouth, throat, esophagus, liver, breast and colorectal. Alcohol can cause inflammation of our pancreas.
Drinking too much can weaken our heart muscles and damage our nervous system too.
To not do high intensity drinking you can:
-Set a limit on the number of drinks you will consume. And stick to it!
-Drink another beverage like water after you consume an alcohol beverage.
-Take sips of your drink and be mindful of its’ taste.
-Eat before you start drinking.
-Practice saying ‘no thank you’ to offers for another drink.
-Find healthy ways to deal with your social anxiety—for example slow steady breathing (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 2 counts, exhale for 6 counts) to calm your system down.
For other ideas you can check out a list of ‘50 Tips To Stay Clean And Sober This Holiday Season’ that I put together many years ago. You will find it on my Coping Tools Page under the Addiction topic.
https://midlifetoolsforliving.com/coping-tools/
Reach out for substance abuse treatment if you find yourself unable limit your drinking and the consequences are beginning to concern you and your loved ones too.
Do Contact Me Today to begin your high intensity drinking healing journey!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Election day has finally come and gone. It’s been a very long election year filled with so much intense emotion. We are all weary and emotionally spent. Given the extreme dividedness our country it’s frightening to consider what just might come next.
This is a very important time to take a mental health break and explore the amount of stress you are carrying and practice some coping tools to help you chill your worked-up system.
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor,” said Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh. This meditation is a powerful tool to help remind us that feelings do indeed come and go.
Our breath is with us 24/7. We can use it to calm our stressed-up body when are minds are whirling with emotion. Our breath can ground us. Soothe us. Calm us.
And, all we need do it to take a few slow deep breaths no matter where we are and focus our mind on the air coming into and out of our nose and lungs, feel our chest expand with our inhale and contract when we exhale.
Head out doors and take a walk out in nature to see the clouds, watch the wind move the tree limbs, listen to the birds chirping, smell the air. Nature calms our system. Walking for even 10 minutes helps improve our mood. Walking reduces the stress hormone cortisol and helps us feel less stressed and more relaxed.
Go do something fun with a friend. Turn off the news and connect with the people around you.
Give yourself the opportunity to process your feelings about the election—the grief, disappointment, frustration, anger, guilt. It can help to write them out. Express them on paper. Let yourself have a good cry or pound on a pillow if you need to.
Think about what you are grateful for and write it down in a daily gratitude journal. Even in hard times there is much to be thankful for in our lives. Gratitude gives us strength.
Consider what you can and cannot control and put your energy into that which you can. We have choices to make about what we focus on.
Do reach out to a therapist if you are having difficulty coping with the stress that you are experiencing. It is a strength to ask for help when we need it!
We actually do things in common with each other. And we share core values as human beings.
We can make the choice to focus on those shared values rather than labeling people who think differently than we do as being extreme, or illogical or hateful.
Focusing on common ground builds connections. It is connection that helps reduce our overall stress. Because I am really not so different than you I don’t need to be so revved up, stressed out and live in fear of what is going to happen next.
It is up to each one of us to decide if we want to continue living in the stress we have been or take steps to build a healthier self, community and country too!
Just what choices are you goanna make?
Do Contact Me if you need some therapy support.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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It is so hard to watch a loved one with a substance abuse problem. They keep drinking too much over and over and over. You want them to stop and join the family again, not behave in ways that are so hurtful. You want to say something, to tell them to stop. Perhaps you have and even pleaded with them.
You can be open and honest about your concerns. The choice to stop is up to them to make and do. It is common for loved ones to react with defensiveness, anger, to lash out and even deny that their drinking is a problem when concerns are brought up to them.
Some do’s:
-Find a time when your love one is not or has not been recently drinking and you are both calm.
-Find a quiet private place where you won’t be interrupted. Turn off your phone.
-Tell your loved one in a caring way about your concerns with their drinking, the effect it’s having on their health, your relationship and your family.
-Be neutral and compassionate. It’s important not to judge your loved one’s behavior or try to shame them. Choose your words carefully—rehearse ahead of time.
-Encourage your loved one to open up with you.
-Do expect pushback and denial.
-Give your loved one time and space to come to terms with your concerns.
Some don’ts:
-Don’t take negative reactions personally or let the reactions get under your skin.
-Don’t threaten, punish, bribe, preach, make ultimatums. These gestures will only add to the problem and increase your loved one’s reasons to drink and feelings of guilt.
-Don’t cover up or make excuses for your loves one’s behavior. Shielding someone from their responsibilities prevents them from seeing the negative consequences of their drinking which delays them from getting help.
-Don’t blame yourself—you are not to blame for their drinking or responsible for their behavior and you can’t make them change.
When the time is right encourage your loved one to reach for help. Do realize however that your loved one needs to initiate these steps. They will need support, guidance and to learn new coping skills.
You can offer to sit with them while they call to make appointments or get information about treatment options. You can offer to accompany them to their doctor, counseling or group sessions. It is ultimately up to your loved one. Importantly do offer ongoing support and love as your dear one makes their way towards a recovery journey!
If you live in the greater Holland, MI area your loved one is welcome to Contact Me to start in person Substance Abuse Treatment!
And remember, it is important for you to seek support for yourself too! Therapy can help you learn new ways to communicate and take better care of yourself!
Do Contact Me today to start your own recovery journey! I offer both in person and virtual therapy counseling sessions.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools!
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Do you drink alcohol as a way to calm your anxious feelings? I hate to be the bearer of bad news…but…while drinking alcohol sometimes seems like a helpful way to ease your anxiety the effects are only temporary. Once the drink is gone the temporary ease you get goes away. And you may actually feel even worse than before you picked up the beverage!
Alcohol is both a stimulant and a sedative which means you feel more energetic and engaged and also calm and relaxed when you have a drink.
Alcohol can interfere in you getting a restful night’s sleep. It can make it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep after you drink. And then you end up having even higher amounts of anxiety the next day because of it. We need good sleep specially to elevate anxious feelings.
Ever have hangover anxiety the day after even if you don’t drink frequently? You may wake up worried about what happened while you were drinking. If you already have an anxiety disorder your hangover symptoms can end up being much worse.
Having an anxiety disorder puts you at a higher risk of developing an alcohol use disorder. One out of five people with anxiety report using alcohol to cope with anxiety. Drinking alcohol makes it more difficult to control and manage your emotions and can increase your chances of developing an anxiety disorder.
If you are having problems limiting your drinking and coping with anxiety it’s important that you talk this over with your doctor. Your provider is trained to help evaluate and treat your conditions and will do so without judgment!
Bottom line is Alcohol + Anxiety = a not so healthy way to cope with life’s challenges that can add to rather than take them away!
How is your use of alcohol affecting you?
Do Contact Me. I specialize in Anxiety Therapy and Substance Abuse Treatment!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
