Phone: 616-217-9489 | eMail: jude@midlifetoolsforliving.com
JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
It never ceases to amaze me what information you can find on the internet for free. I’ve looked up a knitting stitches I’ve had trouble understanding from the picture and explanations in books. And, low and behold in the matter of seconds have found short video clips that help me see what I was missing. Not every change is a change challenge!
Not so many years ago, a problem like that would have involved a trip to the nearest knitting store or visiting a friend who knits for a skilled knitter to show me how to do it. And in less than a minute my dilemma was resolved. Just took an instant fix to a problem I was having.
In my life time there has been a tremendous amount of change. Often, I see value in the benefits change has provided. However, frequently I shake my head in frustration longing for the good old days when life was simpler! Or so it seems at times looking back.
Like you knew you’d find the products you’ve come to enjoy on the store shelf each week. Or, you could get something fixed when it broke or a part wore out. That’s all changed.
It’s a challenge to find some products I’ve come to enjoy! And, finding someone to fix things or locating parts at times can be more hassle than it is worth doing.
I am a “tech idiot”—a description I’ve given me as a way of laughing with myself and my tech follies. It’s also a way to explain to tech savvy people my level of skill when I am trying to talk with them about things I haven’t the proper words or understanding to communicate clearly to them.
Many years ago, the host of my website made some upgrades in the tools used to create the sites they host. I learned of this logging into my account to add a new blog post that week.
The upgrade changes challenged me greatly. It took me some time to learn how to use them. Sure, the host was very happy to have offered such new and improved tools to their customers. I however, was not at all happy. In fact, I was so frustrated that for about 24 hours I considered whether or not to delete my website or move it someplace else.
After the frustrated energy inside me dissipated, my wise mind kicked in. I was able to see more clearly and realized that no matter what I want, technology change challenge is going to keep right on happening.
My minimal skill level will either continue to be a source of frustration for me or I can use each change challenge as an opportunity to learn a new skill or two.
There is no sense swimming upstream against the current of change and waste precious time, energy and peace of mind. It is what it is.
And I am who I am, a generation or two removed from what’s currently being taught in school. It’s a great big world of things to learn.
So, it’s good for me to remember just how simple and easy it is to locate solutions to my knitting problems when some new “fangled” change challenge phenomena get under my skin!
How are you at negotiating through the change challenges in your life? What tools help you cope?
If you are having some extra stress adapting to change challenges, Do Contact Me! I can assist you with learning some life coping tools like how to find your wise mind! You have one too!
I offer Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, PTSD Treatment and Substance Abuse Treatment.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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It’s one thing to learn of a domestic violence (DV) murder or murder-suicide that happens in another area and very different when it happens so close to home as it has here in West Michigan. When domestic violence trauma events strike close to home it affects the community as a whole.
Our sense of safety, stability and connection can be disrupted. That is especially true for those who have survived past DV abuse. They can become triggered by reminders of their past abuse as the current events are revealed. Suddenly it can feel not so safe again in their own home.
Even if you were not directly affected just knowing this violence has occurred here can have an impact on your well-being.
Exposure to violence or traumatic events affects our body and nervous system. Our body has a threat response system that goes on high alert when facing a traumatic event.
Your brain’s threat detection system kicks in automatically. It releases adrenaline into your blood that speeds your system up, pushing blood into your big muscles to help prepare you to attack or escape or even freeze.
Our nervous system becomes overwhelmed and dysregulated. We can find ourselves feeling shocked or distressed, afraid or anxious, on edge or irritable.
Might feel disconnected or numb, angry or frustrated or even grief or sadness. We may become exhausted or overwhelmed, even experience confusion or disbelief.
You may notice some tension in your muscles, be breathing shallow and have a rapid heart rate.
Someone who has experienced domestic violence trauma in the past can be triggered by news that reminds them of their past traumatic event. It can trigger symptoms of PTSD and feelings associated with their past trauma.
Current DV trauma events can bring on not only uncomfortable feelings but debilitating memories too. And the body’s alarm bell goes off which causes the survivor to become emotionally dysregulated. As a result, they can get stuck in that survival mode too.
DV survivors might find themselves being extra cautions, checking for updates about the event, looking with more suspicion at people or situations, or replaying details of their own traumatic past.
The survivor’s brain may not recognize that their own danger is in the past.
It’s important to recognize if you are being triggered and to manage your trauma reactions as they happen.
If you feel intense fear do some deep breathing to help calm your system, listen to soothing music.
Go outside and let mother nature work her wonders to calm you as you pay attention to the greenery and especially the bird tunes you hear.
Distract yourself—watch a comedy, count backwards from 100, look around the room and name everything you see.
Get moving—go for a walk, dance around the room.
Ground yourself by stomping your feet, notice your body parts that touch the chair you are sitting in and really feel those sensations, pet your furry friend, squish a stress ball.
Talk with someone that you trust will understand what you are going through.
And do remember to reach for therapy support if you are having difficulty managing your reactions to these very unsettling ever so close domestic violence trauma events!
Do Contact Me! I offer PTSD Treatment, Anxiety Therapy, Grief Therapy.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Photo by Chris Alo: Pexels
Whether or not you voted for him, have you wondered “How does Trump keep getting away with that?” Or “Is anyone going to stop him?” No matter what party you affiliate with you may very well be experiencing ‘betrayal trauma.’
Trump is able to make so many unchecked decisions, unfiltered outbursts and like the energizer bunny he keeps on going. It seems so unreal that he is able to keep doing these things too!
‘Betrayal trauma’ is a psychological response that occurs when a person or institution who you depend for survival, emotional safety, or stability significantly violates your trust. The term was pioneered by the psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd.
When the source of your harm is also the source of your security this trauma can be very devastating. And it takes a toll.
Hyper-vigilance & Anxiety: You are in a constant state of scanning for threats because your sense of physical or emotional safety has been shattered.
Dissociation & Memory Fog: You feel detached from reality or block out details of the betrayal to protect yourself from the full impact.
Intrusive Thoughts: You relive the moment of betrayal or obsessively question.
Physical Manifestations: You might be chronically fatigued, have tension headaches, and gastrointestinal issues due to having a dysregulated nervous system.
The preamble of our constitution states:
“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”
We the people have had some faith and expectations in our system and government institutions. Our country was founded on some basic principles and rights. A democracy where people vote for representatives who are supposed to consider and care for the voters they represent. Our voices are supposed to matter. There’s a level of fairness and equality and accountability built into our system. We’ve trusted that.
It’s just not fair when someone gets away with doing so many things without any real accountability. When no one stands up to question and to stop it when rights are taken away, or excessive money is being spent, or a war is being fought without Congressional approval, or chaotic midnight social media rants happen our trust in this system erodes.
A sense of betrayal looms over us. We don’t feel safe. Worry about what’s to happen next. Feel depressed and hopeless. We lose our footing. The ground is no longer solid. We don’t know what the truth is or rules are anymore. Life becomes very unsettling.
Trauma, ‘betrayal trauma’ sets in.
It’s important to clearly recognize what is happening in the country and also inside of you. Validate your experiences and distress. It makes sense to feel as you do.
Put limits on your news intake or the doomscrolling that you do. It’s easy to become overwhelmed.
Make sure you connect with your friends, people in your community. Shared experiences bring relief. Help your community in some way—volunteer, make the little changes that only you can do.
Check out these additional blog posts of mine to learn a few other coping strategies:
Noticing any ripples of anxiety?
Looking for ways to improve your mental health?
Gee whiz every day there is yet another trauma event to cope with!
To lower your anxiety, try ‘grandma hobbies’
Reach out for therapy support if your symptoms of trauma are intense and you struggle to cope with it all.
Contact me! PTSD Treatment or trauma therapy, Anxiety Therapy and Depression Therapy do help!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Image by: freepik
Several years ago, I had a professional manicure and it was yummy. It was fun to have fancy fingers for a while. It was even better to have rid myself of some shame I had carried for a very long time. I went on a ‘shame diet’ that day.
I realized in the mist of my manicure what it was that kept me from having the experience sooner in my life. When I was in high school way back a thousand years ago, in speech class we had to do a demonstration speech. I was a very awkward freshman that year.
One of my classmates was in a cosmetology program and she did a demonstration speech on doing a manicure and asked for a volunteer. I was up in the front and offered. But she took one look at my fingernails and made a disparaging comment about my nails and found someone else.
I don’t recall anything else about her speech except her arguing with the teacher about whether it was ok to cut cuticles or not…she said it was and the speech teacher said NO!
So, I asked my manicurist that day whether it was ok or not since I wondered all those years. And yes, Mrs. grumpy whatever your name is speech teacher, it is ok to cut cuticles!
That comment and my shame about my nails kept me from having someone give me a manicure for so many years!
Comments we make towards others can have dramatic effects on them. I understand that the student needed an easier set of fingernails to tackle for her 3-minute speech. I don’t blame her at all. But, that comment made in front of a whole classroom of people stayed with me all those years.
What I did as the manicurist worked on my nails was to tell her a bit of my story which allowed me to release the shame I had carried all those years…finally and thankfully too!
We all experience shame in life in varying degrees. It’s just a part of the human condition.
Circumstances come together in ways that affect us. I might have been able to brush off that comment if other things had been different in my life up until the moment it was made.
What is most important is that we give ourselves the gift of opening up with someone we can trust about the shame we carry so we can release the load.
I have to admit that I did feel a tad bit lighter that day leaving the salon…I call it a “shame diet”!
1. What is an experience from the past that you carry and are willing and ready to lose the weight of today?
2. Determine who might you confide in to share your experience.
3. And then make time to share of your experience to lighten your load!
If the shame you carry is too overwhelming do reach out for some professional help. You can Contact Me today and get your ‘shame diet’ started!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Photo by Angelica Reyn; Pexels.com
A functional freeze is a very real and adaptive coping mechanism. The person is not stuck or frozen rather they go through the motions of life but are not fully present. They are disconnected and acting on autopilot. It can last for minutes, hours, days or even weeks.
A functional freeze response can be triggered by a number of things like having high levels of stress at work or home, or from intense conflicts in a relationship.
Functional freeze reactions are automatic. They are a way your body helps you avoid distressing emotions, thoughts or sensations.
Under stress our brain activates our body’s sympathetic nervous system. When our nervous system is repeatedly overwhelmed a functional freeze response can occur.
It’s unlikely for you to experience a functional freeze response after one single trauma incident. Rather those coming from chaotic or abusive households, childhoods or workplaces are more susceptible to developing them.
When someone is in a functional freeze they may feel emotionally numb, tired but wired, and have buzzing anxiety. In addition, they can experience feelings of dread, irritability, sudden sadness, and detachment. Also they may feel trapped, have extreme panic and blunted feelings.
Their thinking may be slowed. They can have confusion and difficulty making decisions. In addition be speechless, have reduced responsiveness, and difficulty with memory retrieval. They can have a sense of unreality, a mind that goes blank and have racing thoughts. Also, they can fear losing control.
Some physical effects include lowered heart rate and slowed breathing. They may hold their breath, be immobile. Also they can experience fainting, muscle tension, cold extremities, and heavy sweating. And, they can be hyper-vigilant, stare, and tremble too.
As a result it can feel as if life isn’t real. In addition, people report having brain fog—exhaustion, difficulty concentrating or be emotionally unresponsive.
Everyone’s experience is unique to them. And, it can be difficult for others to see this going on underneath the polished exterior we present to the world.
Functional freeze experiences do get in the way of experiencing joy, and making connections with others too. As a result, it can be difficult to find meaning in life.
People feel checked out and stuck. Importantly, they report missing out on pursing life goals and dreams.
Grounding techniques are the best way to break free. Importantly, these are tools to help you be present in your environment.
-Notice and say to yourself 5 things that you see right now, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell and 1 thing you taste.
-Stomp your feet on the ground.
-Pick a color and identify 5 objects you see in that color.
-Pick up an object near you and notice how it feels—soft or hard, heavy or light, smooth or ruff and describe it to yourself.
-Describe in detail everything that you see around you—the colors, the smells, the textures, the temperature.
-Touch something that feels comforting to you—a blanket, stone, favorite sweater. Importantly, think about how it feels and notice the sensations as you touch or hold it.
-Listen to music. And notice any sensations you feel as you listen.
-Take a short walk. Concentrate on your steps and how it feels to put one foot on the ground and lift it and then the other.
-Clench your fists and hold. Importantly, notice the difference you experience as you release your hands.
-Stretch your body, hands up over your head, stretch and reach upwards, hold and release.
So these tools can help you begin to reconnect with the world around you. Certainly remember it takes practice and patience with yourself too.
Do contact me. PTSD Treatment and Anxiety Therapy can assist you in reconnecting yourself to the world around you!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Photo by Karolina Grabowska; Pexels.com
We can be manipulated in any kind of relationship–at work, in friendships and in our family. Basically people pressure others in sneaky ways to get what they want.
As a result, they have control and power over you. They control how you act and take away your ability to think and feel for yourself.
Being manipulated affects our relationship with that person, with others in our lives and with our own mental health too! It hurts.
-You feel guilty—the manipulator portrays themself as the victim or makes it seem like you owe them.
-You doubt yourself—after being told you can’t do something or don’t understand you start to believe it.
-You are coerced to do they want—they are angry and blow up even in front of others so you give in.
-You feel less than—they compare you to others, you don’t measure up and they insist they are just trying to motivate you to do better.
-You get charmed—they shower you with compliments and praise to build your trust to get what they want.
-You feel threatened—they give ultimatums and threats to get their way.
Those who manipulate others are skilled at spotting weaknesses in others and they figure out how to use this to their advantage against you. Also, they don’t give up easily.
A manipulator gets you out of your comfort zone so they have more control.
They alter and twist facts, lie, make excuses, blame you, only share some of the facts. They will exaggerate, generalize and make vague accusations.
Manipulators use humor in a cruel way to poke fun at your weaknesses, judging you openly. They ‘gaslight’ you by saying something you know happened never did or was never said.
Manipulators are passive-aggressive using indirect ways to express their anger. Or give you the silent treatment to punish you.
Being manipulated takes an emotional toll. It’s important to find a safe way out of the situation.
Above all step back and look at the situation, at the facts. Trust your gut. Especially consider what your intuition is telling you about the person and how you are being treated.
Importantly, put some distance between yourself and the manipulator. Consider how you want to be treated and what you need from others to be happy. Think about what you want and need in your relationships.
Set some boundaries. Limit how often you see and interact with the manipulator. Limit what you share. Keep your conversations short and very general. Respond unemotionally when they attempt to get you worked up.
Pause for a moment before you agree to do anything the manipulator asks or demands of you. Ask yourself if that is really something you want to do or if it is not.
Remember you have the right to say ‘yes ‘and importantly ‘no’ to anyone or to any request made of you! And, do exercise your right to say no when you want and need to.
Additionally get support for yourself when you are being manipulated. It is very painful and confusing to be manipulated. It hurts deeply too.
Reaching for help is especially important if the situation is abusive in any way. If you are in immediate danger call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE or text START to 88788 are resources too.
Do contact me. Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy and PTSD Treatment helps heal the wounds that being manipulated creates.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Image by freepik
We all wish for each other to have a happy new year. But in reality, it takes more than wishes to create a happier new year! It takes intention and attention and practice too.
Read on to find some keys to open a few doors towards a happier new year!
An important question to ask yourself especially when you find yourself feeling on the unhappy side of life.
There are so many ugly things happening all over the world. We can get so bogged down with what is going on out there in out their land. We can’t control it. But we can control how much we expose ourselves to it.
Same with what other people think and how they react. That is there’s not ours to control. We only have the power to tend to our reactions and thoughts and the way we communicate with others. We do have the choice to not let others reactions which we have no control over get to us!
No, that stuff that upsets us won’t go away. However, we don’t have to make things we have no control over be our central focus and keep us from having a happier new year.
There was a beautiful sun set in West Michigan the other day that filled the sky with bright pinks and oranges that bounced off the clouds all over the sky. I savored it. And I can still see it in my minds eye.
As I write this my husband it sitting with our cat Teddy who is purring away all cuddled up in his arms. So sweet them both. So calm and peaceful. My body relaxes just watching them.
I can see the smiling faces of strangers I’ve helped load groceries into their cars. And the faces of people who’ve helped me load heavy items into mine. Those few seconds of joy for us still bring a smile to my heart.
We can pause to collect and also to reflect back on these moments of joy and bring them forward to make a happier new year.
Knowing this answer can help us be sure to find a balance in our lives. We really have to keep our energy level in check so we have what we need in our lives for each step of our journey.
What give-ith and take-ith away is unique to each one of us. While I find quiet time helps fill me up others find it terribly dreadful to endure. A song may lighten my heart and be nothing but noise to someone else’s ears.
Allowing ourselves to know when our energy bank is drained and giving ourselves permission to fill it back up can help us to enjoy a happier new year.
When we hang on to resentments and anger it really hurts us deeply. Forgiveness is really for ourselves not for the other person. We don’t have to forget what happened in order to forgive either.
We feel freer when we forgive. It’s freeing to let go of the bitterness that binds us down. Bitterness keeps us tied to the past repeating the offense in our minds eye over and over and over again.
Forgiveness indeed can unlock the door to a happier new year.
My wish for you is to find what your heart needs you to do in order to make 2026 a Happier New Year!
Jude
If you find this impossible to do, Contact Me to begin therapy today! Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, Substance Abuse Treatment, PTSD Treatment can make a difference and help you make 2026 a happier new year!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Did you know that your mental health is essential for your overall well being at every stage of your life? That being said it makes good sense then to invest time and energy to make your mental health a priority!
Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month it’s a perfect time to do a check in to see how well you are doing.
It’s likely you’ve been feeling a bit more stressed of late. You are not alone either. All one has to do is turn on the news or read an article or post on social media and bam we are hit with barrage of negativity.
Feels like the world is shouting at us from all directions. It’s noisy, loud and in our faces no matter where we look too. People are worked up, some scared and some angry. Even when driving we can encounter the intensity of those around us.
All this can lead to feeling more anxious, drained, perhaps a bit depressed too. We all are carrying a load these days. Sometimes we can’t really afford to power through it all.
Consequently we need to pause, recognize our emotional distress and find some tools to take good care of our emotional well-being.
It might seem kinda obvious, but really just how often do you ask yourself how you are feeling — and then pause to really consider your response?
Checking in on your mental health starts with assessing how you are feeling. Do you notice feeling stress, anxiety, worry, sadness, anger, irritability, depressed or other challenging emotions?
Use a scale of 1 to 10 to determine just how much of the emotional distress you carry with 1 being little and 10 being the highest. It can help to take note of how you feel at the same time each day.
Keep track in a notebook or journal, or simply keep a mental track of your numbers. If your number goes up, that’s a sign you need to pay attention to your mental health.
It’s also important to notice how you’re feeling physically, too. Some ways mental health concerns can show up physically include:
*Stress: Headaches, body pains, skin rashes, or worsening of chronic health problems
*Anxiety: Headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, or frequent urination
*Depression: Appetite changes, weight loss or gain, loss of energy, and unexplained aches and pains
So, take note of any of these physical symptoms of stress too!
So, turn your phone off or put it on do not disturb for a set period of time that you determine is needed for your peace of mind. Give yourself permission to disconnect from calls, texts, emails, alerts, social media, Facebook and the news too.
This can help you to reclaim some calm and a sense of control.
After all, the world will be there when you get back to it! And that’s whether you like it or not too!
We can ease anxiety and distress by noticing and focusing on our breathing. By taking a few deep, intentional breaths we can shift our entire mindset.
One way of practice is to: 1) Breathe in slowly. 2) Hold breath. 3) Breathe out.
Notice the breath coming into your nose and filling up your chest as it expands. Notice what happens as you hold your breath and then what occurs as you exhale. Doing this for just 60 seconds can lower your stress level.
When you practice breath focus you remind your nervous system that you are safe and there is no need to be on red alert. And then your system calms down with you.
By taking a walk-in nature, a hike through the woods, a group fitness class, or going to the gym you can increase your energy levels, reduce depression, and boost your mental health well-being.
Dance around the house while you do chores. You will not only get your work done, but dancing reduces levels of cortisol, a stress hormone in your body and increases endorphin’s, that are your body’s “feel-good” chemicals.
Stretching, yoga, tai-chi can all help with managing stress, relaxation, getting better sleep and are a way to help improve our mental health.
What are you doing to bring yourself joy? Can’t think of anything? Might be time to change that.
With so much to do and so much going on it’s easy to push leisure to the bottom of the pile. Taking time and making opportunity to be happy is important to your mental health.
Here are a few ways to incorporate joy into your life:
*You can create a gratitude journal. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Gratitude is a powerful way to shift your outlook. Seeing the glass half full is a wise perspective. Especially in the midst of challenges there are still things we can be thankful for.
*Do something new—plan a mini getaway, get creative with a new recipe, try painting a picture, do a new craft project, write a poem. Creative expression and positive well-being are linked and help relieve stress and anxiety too.
*Laugh—watch a funny movie or television show. Visit with loved ones who make you smile. Go hang out with a funny friend or check out funny videos online. Laughter helps reduce anxiety. Let laughter and smiles warm your heart.
*Spend time with a furry friend—your dog, cat, or another loving pet. Time with animals actually lowers the stress hormone – cortisol, and boosts oxytocin – which stimulates feelings of happiness. If you don’t have a pet you might hang out with a friend who does or volunteer at a shelter.
*Go sit outside in the sun for 15 minutes. Don’t forget the sunscreen. Sunlight synthesizes Vitamin D that experts believe is a mood elevator.
*Put a smile on your face. While it may not be easy to do, smiling does help to lower your heart rate and calms you down.
Having a strong support system is important for our mental health. Do you have someone(s) in your life who you consider trustworthy and loving and you can turn to when you need it most? If not perhaps it’s time to build up your support team.
Support team members can be a partner, sibling, healthcare provider, faith leader, friend or other trusted individual.
Do have at least one person in your life who you can trust to: give good advice when you need and ask for it, is respectful and trustworthy, gives you space to make your own decisions, grow, and even make mistakes too.
Also have someone(s) who actually listens to you and has your best interest at heart.
Support groups are a resource to find a group of people who can relate to your challenges and provide support. There are numerous kinds of support groups in every community too. Call 211 a help referral source here in Michigan to find a group near you.
Also, give yourself permission to reach out for professional counseling if your mental health is making it hard to function well with all the challenges you face.
Above all, remember that recognizing we need help and asking for it is indeed a strength!
Do Contact Me to begin therapy today! Don’t wait to take good care of yourself!
Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, PTSD Treatment, Substance Abuse Treatment
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tool
March 7, 2023
I have a few crocuses planted in our front yard. Each year I look eagerly to see if, just if they have come up yet. They are a sign of spring hope. After the long often gloomy winters we have here in West Michigan they are eagerly awaited.
In 2023 on the 7th of March I was thrilled to see a tiny little purple ray of spring hope shining in my yard! She had popped out of the ground and made her debut. She was the only one who had been brave enough to poke her nose up out of the ground and bloom so early that year.
She was snowed upon more than once, iced upon and kept on coming back for more bloom time in March of 2023. She was not about to give up!
This year she has a partner who popped out to join her for their first spring appearance on March 12th. The snow had been piled high on top of them and just melted away a day or so before they bloomed.
Somedays when things have grown tough, I need a little reminder of the courage and strength of others who endure and keep on going and don’t give up.
It’s easy to get discouraged and even lose hope when things aren’t working out as fast or in the way as we hoped or want it to be. However, it’s important to learn how to ride the waves, turn the corners, hike up the mountain a bit further, and keep blooming in the face of adversity.
Fortunately, we don’t have to look very hard to find some spring hope whether it be a situation Mother Nature provides or a person we know of who like the ‘Energizer Bunny’ keeps on keeping on no matter what.
We can with intention openly take notice of the courage and strength on display in the world around us and allow this inspirational energy to flow into our hearts!
Take a long look at the people in your circle of the world. Notice who has weathered through hardships and the qualities they possess that helped them do so. Let them bring some spring hope into your heart.
Look at the worlds of Mother Nature around you. Notice the amazing feats of the animal, plant, insect, geographical worlds in your neighborhood. Soak it all in and let Mother Nature inspire your heart.
Do reach out for professional help. Sometimes therapy is what helps us find hope when life feels utterly dark and dreary.
Through Grief Therapy, Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, PTSD Treatment or Substance Abuse Treatment spring hope is possible to find.
Do Contact Me Today!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
March 11, 2023
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March 12, 2025
In this happy heart month of February not everyone has a happy heart to share with others. This is a challenging time for many of us for all kinds of reasons. It is an opportune time for some good care taking.
Care taking and bearing witness to suffering of any kind is in itself very painful. I am reminded of that from the blog post 7/17/14, “Let me kiss it and make it all better” which still rings true for me today.
Back then I wrote: “It is painful to watch someone we love struggle through a hard time—it just is. We want to soothe away their distress and calm their fear and worries, but we can’t kiss it and make it all better.”
But as I wrote in 2014: “We can offer support, reassurance and love but we don’t have the power to make the wound go away. And even if we did, the life lessons to be gained from the challenges they face would be lost.”
Actually, we would be doing our loved one more harm than good if we cleared their slate and wiped it all away.
I’ve found it to be true for me in my life. As I noted in 2014: “I know I’ve learned so much from working through the really hard realities of my own inner turmoil”. I do know I would not be who I am today if I had not done all the hard work to be here, to have learned all it’s taken to get here.
“To give that struggle to those we love by simply hearing of it however, takes courage. It is painful to stand alongside someone and simply offer support and comfort.”
Yet that is what we all need on our life journey. The support and comfort we receive from another human being brings us connection. It is the connection that we need. We are not so alone. We learn we are not the only one. This is care taking at its finest.
When we muster the courage to share that inner most pain with someone we trust we begin to heal the wound. We do the work. And we learn and grow. Our resilience and strength grow too.
Care taking of ourselves is hard work. Facing pain from wounds takes courage. We might want to avoid the pain, wish it away, drink ourselves numb to it, or try to stuff it deep down inside. But until we take care of ourselves and face it and work through it, the wound in our heart remains wide open.
Validating our own experience can be a place to start. Writing in a journal or writing a letter to yourself can help you give words to legitimize the pain in your heart and start to face the wounds you carry.
Finding a trusted person to connect with and share of your pain can help your healing journey. Someone you can be open and honest with, who will accept you and validate your feelings and experiences. Someone who will offer support, reassurance and care.
Sometimes in care taking of ourselves it can be useful to give ourselves the opportunity to engage in professional therapy/counseling. This is especially important if we experience symptoms that truly interfere in our daily functioning.
Do remember that you can indeed do whatever it takes to help your wounded heart heal! And importantly, you deserve to do good care taking of you too!
In your care taking Do Contact Me to begin Depression Therapy, Anxiety Therapy, PTSD Treatment, Substance Abuse Treatment, Grief Therapy to help your wounded heart heal!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools!
Photo by Steve Johnson: Pexels
Back on 12/31/2017 I published a blog post titled ‘Imagine’ that seems unfortunately to sum up my current state of being:
“I feel rather demoralized when I turn on the news and watch the systematic decline of the nation’s progress towards equality, inclusion and respect for human decency unfolding in front of my eyes.
It’s been an ugly time that I’ve been at odds with and fought fiercely against in my mind. And, just when I thought that perhaps, just perhaps some progress was being made towards a healthier future for us all, the rug was yanked out from underneath me. I didn’t see it coming. I’ve lost my balance. I’ve felt genuinely lost too.
I keep wondering how we’ve come to be in this place at this point in time having not learned from past historical mistakes that we appear to be repeating.
Maybe it’s a fear of change, of lost position, power and privilege for some and a fear of scarcity this change could bring that fuels a drive to hold on to a past way of life and thinking that is old, self-serving and out dated.
This is a sad reality to me. Beneath my outrage a deep sadness flows. I’d thought better of us as a nation.
It is our need for love and the connections we make with others that allows us to best cope with the vulnerability our very human experience brings for each one of us. We really don’t do so well when we try to go it alone in life whether as an individual or as a nation. People can end up bullying others to pump up their very fragile shame filled ego. We see this being played out on our national stage.”
As that year 2017 wound down the “Me Too” movement began to gain momentum and true leaders in our country were speaking out for climate change action promising to honor the Paris Accord regardless of what our elected officials wanted. It felt like there was some hope for forward movement rather than backward decline.
I can’t. And here I am once again sitting stunned, absolutely stunned, too shocked and dumbfounded to even get all worked up in outrage. Yet, that is. I suspect outrage is coming my way before too long.
I just never imagined I’d be here again grieving a huge loss sitting in the shock part of the grief process. It’s the loss of that hope we as a nation were going to learn and do better. A hope instilled in me from my childhood, as I wrote in 2017:
“I grew up with the lyrics of Beatle, John Lennon’s song “Imagine” in my mind and obviously in my heart too. It must have influenced me more that I realize.
“…imagine all the people living for today, imagine there’s no countries, it isn’t hard to do, nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too, imagine all the people living life in peace…no need for greed or hunger, a brotherhood of man, imagine all the people sharing all the world…you may say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one…”
I’d like to think the Mr. Lennon and I are not the only ones. I’d like to think that us dreamers who imagine living in a peaceful world will rally together. And we build a strong collective voice to challenge and find a path to unify this fragmented, deeply divided and disenchanted nation of ours. Future generations need us to. I fear for them if we don’t.
It’s very important to pull out all those good coping tools that we have and put them in high gear use. I’m writing this for my benefit too not just yours! Practice what I preach time.
Tools like: get good sleep, eat healthy foods, move your body—go for a walk and stretch your body, limit news consumption, write in a journal, set aside time to meditate, be mindfully present taking one day at a time, connect with friends and family. Just to name a few.
Remember that this is a very stressful time so be kind with yourself. You are not the only one struggling with this nation’s current state.
I stumbled on a wonderful website that offers words of wisdom and specific coping strategies for women who are really struggling with trauma like reactions to our current political climate.
https://wisdom.aspaceforwisewomen.com/the-power-of-wise-peaceful-warriors/
I do encourage you to take the time to explore the wisdom Sarah Coffman offers.
If you should find yourself struggling with much too much worry or very dark depressed moods or intense trauma reactions do reach out and begin therapy to help yourself.
We gotta have hope. As Mr. Lennon said …”hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will live as one!”
I love the concept of a ‘wise peaceful warrior”, that Sara Coffman suggests. And I agree with her that we can’t be a ‘wise peaceful warrior’ if we do not have peace within ourselves. It’s imperative for each of us to know peace inside. Without it we won’t successfully unite our world, our nation, our communities.
If, just if, we do join together as wise peaceful warriors and even more of us this time unite to pursue peace…just imagine what a wonderful world it would be!
Do contact me to get started with depression therapy, anxiety therapy or PTDS/trauma treatment today!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools!
Election day has finally come and gone. It’s been a very long election year filled with so much intense emotion. We are all weary and emotionally spent. Given the extreme dividedness our country it’s frightening to consider what just might come next.
This is a very important time to take a mental health break and explore the amount of stress you are carrying and practice some coping tools to help you chill your worked-up system.
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor,” said Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh. This meditation is a powerful tool to help remind us that feelings do indeed come and go.
Our breath is with us 24/7. We can use it to calm our stressed-up body when are minds are whirling with emotion. Our breath can ground us. Soothe us. Calm us.
And, all we need do it to take a few slow deep breaths no matter where we are and focus our mind on the air coming into and out of our nose and lungs, feel our chest expand with our inhale and contract when we exhale.
Head out doors and take a walk out in nature to see the clouds, watch the wind move the tree limbs, listen to the birds chirping, smell the air. Nature calms our system. Walking for even 10 minutes helps improve our mood. Walking reduces the stress hormone cortisol and helps us feel less stressed and more relaxed.
Go do something fun with a friend. Turn off the news and connect with the people around you.
Give yourself the opportunity to process your feelings about the election—the grief, disappointment, frustration, anger, guilt. It can help to write them out. Express them on paper. Let yourself have a good cry or pound on a pillow if you need to.
Think about what you are grateful for and write it down in a daily gratitude journal. Even in hard times there is much to be thankful for in our lives. Gratitude gives us strength.
Consider what you can and cannot control and put your energy into that which you can. We have choices to make about what we focus on.
Do reach out to a therapist if you are having difficulty coping with the stress that you are experiencing. It is a strength to ask for help when we need it!
We actually do things in common with each other. And we share core values as human beings.
We can make the choice to focus on those shared values rather than labeling people who think differently than we do as being extreme, or illogical or hateful.
Focusing on common ground builds connections. It is connection that helps reduce our overall stress. Because I am really not so different than you I don’t need to be so revved up, stressed out and live in fear of what is going to happen next.
It is up to each one of us to decide if we want to continue living in the stress we have been or take steps to build a healthier self, community and country too!
Just what choices are you goanna make?
Do Contact Me if you need some therapy support.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
