Phone: 616-217-9489 | eMail: jude@midlifetoolsforliving.com
JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
It never ceases to amaze me what information you can find on the internet for free. I’ve looked up a knitting stitches I’ve had trouble understanding from the picture and explanations in books. And, low and behold in the matter of seconds have found short video clips that help me see what I was missing. Not every change is a change challenge!
Not so many years ago, a problem like that would have involved a trip to the nearest knitting store or visiting a friend who knits for a skilled knitter to show me how to do it. And in less than a minute my dilemma was resolved. Just took an instant fix to a problem I was having.
In my life time there has been a tremendous amount of change. Often, I see value in the benefits change has provided. However, frequently I shake my head in frustration longing for the good old days when life was simpler! Or so it seems at times looking back.
Like you knew you’d find the products you’ve come to enjoy on the store shelf each week. Or, you could get something fixed when it broke or a part wore out. That’s all changed.
It’s a challenge to find some products I’ve come to enjoy! And, finding someone to fix things or locating parts at times can be more hassle than it is worth doing.
I am a “tech idiot”—a description I’ve given me as a way of laughing with myself and my tech follies. It’s also a way to explain to tech savvy people my level of skill when I am trying to talk with them about things I haven’t the proper words or understanding to communicate clearly to them.
Many years ago, the host of my website made some upgrades in the tools used to create the sites they host. I learned of this logging into my account to add a new blog post that week.
The upgrade changes challenged me greatly. It took me some time to learn how to use them. Sure, the host was very happy to have offered such new and improved tools to their customers. I however, was not at all happy. In fact, I was so frustrated that for about 24 hours I considered whether or not to delete my website or move it someplace else.
After the frustrated energy inside me dissipated, my wise mind kicked in. I was able to see more clearly and realized that no matter what I want, technology change challenge is going to keep right on happening.
My minimal skill level will either continue to be a source of frustration for me or I can use each change challenge as an opportunity to learn a new skill or two.
There is no sense swimming upstream against the current of change and waste precious time, energy and peace of mind. It is what it is.
And I am who I am, a generation or two removed from what’s currently being taught in school. It’s a great big world of things to learn.
So, it’s good for me to remember just how simple and easy it is to locate solutions to my knitting problems when some new “fangled” change challenge phenomena get under my skin!
How are you at negotiating through the change challenges in your life? What tools help you cope?
If you are having some extra stress adapting to change challenges, Do Contact Me! I can assist you with learning some life coping tools like how to find your wise mind! You have one too!
I offer Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, PTSD Treatment and Substance Abuse Treatment.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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It’s one thing to learn of a domestic violence (DV) murder or murder-suicide that happens in another area and very different when it happens so close to home as it has here in West Michigan. When domestic violence trauma events strike close to home it affects the community as a whole.
Our sense of safety, stability and connection can be disrupted. That is especially true for those who have survived past DV abuse. They can become triggered by reminders of their past abuse as the current events are revealed. Suddenly it can feel not so safe again in their own home.
Even if you were not directly affected just knowing this violence has occurred here can have an impact on your well-being.
Exposure to violence or traumatic events affects our body and nervous system. Our body has a threat response system that goes on high alert when facing a traumatic event.
Your brain’s threat detection system kicks in automatically. It releases adrenaline into your blood that speeds your system up, pushing blood into your big muscles to help prepare you to attack or escape or even freeze.
Our nervous system becomes overwhelmed and dysregulated. We can find ourselves feeling shocked or distressed, afraid or anxious, on edge or irritable.
Might feel disconnected or numb, angry or frustrated or even grief or sadness. We may become exhausted or overwhelmed, even experience confusion or disbelief.
You may notice some tension in your muscles, be breathing shallow and have a rapid heart rate.
Someone who has experienced domestic violence trauma in the past can be triggered by news that reminds them of their past traumatic event. It can trigger symptoms of PTSD and feelings associated with their past trauma.
Current DV trauma events can bring on not only uncomfortable feelings but debilitating memories too. And the body’s alarm bell goes off which causes the survivor to become emotionally dysregulated. As a result, they can get stuck in that survival mode too.
DV survivors might find themselves being extra cautions, checking for updates about the event, looking with more suspicion at people or situations, or replaying details of their own traumatic past.
The survivor’s brain may not recognize that their own danger is in the past.
It’s important to recognize if you are being triggered and to manage your trauma reactions as they happen.
If you feel intense fear do some deep breathing to help calm your system, listen to soothing music.
Go outside and let mother nature work her wonders to calm you as you pay attention to the greenery and especially the bird tunes you hear.
Distract yourself—watch a comedy, count backwards from 100, look around the room and name everything you see.
Get moving—go for a walk, dance around the room.
Ground yourself by stomping your feet, notice your body parts that touch the chair you are sitting in and really feel those sensations, pet your furry friend, squish a stress ball.
Talk with someone that you trust will understand what you are going through.
And do remember to reach for therapy support if you are having difficulty managing your reactions to these very unsettling ever so close domestic violence trauma events!
Do Contact Me! I offer PTSD Treatment, Anxiety Therapy, Grief Therapy.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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We all wish for each other to have a happy new year. But in reality, it takes more than wishes to create a happier new year! It takes intention and attention and practice too.
Read on to find some keys to open a few doors towards a happier new year!
An important question to ask yourself especially when you find yourself feeling on the unhappy side of life.
There are so many ugly things happening all over the world. We can get so bogged down with what is going on out there in out their land. We can’t control it. But we can control how much we expose ourselves to it.
Same with what other people think and how they react. That is there’s not ours to control. We only have the power to tend to our reactions and thoughts and the way we communicate with others. We do have the choice to not let others reactions which we have no control over get to us!
No, that stuff that upsets us won’t go away. However, we don’t have to make things we have no control over be our central focus and keep us from having a happier new year.
There was a beautiful sun set in West Michigan the other day that filled the sky with bright pinks and oranges that bounced off the clouds all over the sky. I savored it. And I can still see it in my minds eye.
As I write this my husband it sitting with our cat Teddy who is purring away all cuddled up in his arms. So sweet them both. So calm and peaceful. My body relaxes just watching them.
I can see the smiling faces of strangers I’ve helped load groceries into their cars. And the faces of people who’ve helped me load heavy items into mine. Those few seconds of joy for us still bring a smile to my heart.
We can pause to collect and also to reflect back on these moments of joy and bring them forward to make a happier new year.
Knowing this answer can help us be sure to find a balance in our lives. We really have to keep our energy level in check so we have what we need in our lives for each step of our journey.
What give-ith and take-ith away is unique to each one of us. While I find quiet time helps fill me up others find it terribly dreadful to endure. A song may lighten my heart and be nothing but noise to someone else’s ears.
Allowing ourselves to know when our energy bank is drained and giving ourselves permission to fill it back up can help us to enjoy a happier new year.
When we hang on to resentments and anger it really hurts us deeply. Forgiveness is really for ourselves not for the other person. We don’t have to forget what happened in order to forgive either.
We feel freer when we forgive. It’s freeing to let go of the bitterness that binds us down. Bitterness keeps us tied to the past repeating the offense in our minds eye over and over and over again.
Forgiveness indeed can unlock the door to a happier new year.
My wish for you is to find what your heart needs you to do in order to make 2026 a Happier New Year!
Jude
If you find this impossible to do, Contact Me to begin therapy today! Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, Substance Abuse Treatment, PTSD Treatment can make a difference and help you make 2026 a happier new year!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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These days it seems that peace on earth is further than ever from being even remotely possible. Tis the season when we offer that phrase more readily to each other too. We say the words but it feels like such an impossibility.
There is so much anger, hostility, violence out there and in our back yards and even in our front living rooms too. And as well, if we are honest inside our heads and hearts at times too.
The Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary defines peace as:
-“A state of tranquility or quiet such as freedom from civil disturbance
-A state of security or order in a community provided for by law or custom
-Freedom from being disturbed or bothered by people, noise, etc.
-Freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions
-Harmony in personal relations
-A state or period of mutual concord between governments
-A pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity”
There is a song that comes to mind with the chorus that goes:
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be…
It does seem that peace on earth must start inside each one of us. In that we have freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions and from being disturbed by other people.
To achieve that it’s important to have the tools we need to cope with all the challenges that life brings our way and that we readily use them. We can’t find peace if we don’t manage our thoughts and emotions.
We can learn to regulate our emotions and work to rid ourselves of unhealthy thinking habits that get in our way. It takes practice and practice and lots of it too. Change is hard work.
Once we can do that I suspect we will find more harmony in our personal relations too.
From there perhaps, just perhaps peace would spread from heart to heart to neighborhoods to communities to regions to countries. And eventually maybe just maybe, the whole world would be filled with peaceful hearts.
This time of year, I love to watch old black and white holiday movies from a very long time ago. One of my seasonal favorites is ‘The Bishop’s Wife’. An angel comes to help a man, a church bishop, struggling with raising money for a new cathedral and hurting his marriage in the process. He learns much from the angel. Before the angel departs he writes a sermon that the bishop reads at the very end of the movie.
His words have great importance. You see he encourages us all to give each other these very important gifts to help create peace on earth: “loving kindness, warm hearts, and a stretched-out hand of tolerance”!
May you find them as well this holiday season! And bring peace on earth to your heart and to those around you too!
Jude
Do Contact Me together in therapy we can explore life coping tools for you to incorporate into your life’s journey! Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy can make a difference and help you find peace!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
The holiday season brings so many things to us all. It’s a season of wonder. It’s a season that brings stress too. That’s why holiday self-care is so important to find.
We can be heavily burdened with expectations and obligations that we carry and try so hard to fulfill. This can increase our level of anxiety and depressed moods too.
This is a time of year when I reflect on the past and those people who have been a part of my life. This reflection brings sadness and grief to the surface for me too. I do miss those people I’ve lost. Perhaps you do too.
The reality of dealing with family dynamics can be daunting to face. Or needing to get all that needs to be done finished can create lots of tension. The want of not disappointing others can be heavily burdensome. As can the desire to follow all the traditions at all costs.
Let’s face it the emotional stress list can be endless! Importantly, remember that we do have a choice to include self-care on our “to do” list and make it a high priority too.
Above all, giving yourself permission to do whatever it takes to handle this season with self-care in mind may allow you to experience this season with more patience, joy and compassion. What a wonderful gift that would be!
If you are challenged figuring out what to do for your holiday self-care you might check out this great resource from the National Institute of Health: The Holiday Resilience Guide.
Do Contact Me together in therapy we can explore life coping tools for you to incorporate into your life’s journey! Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy can make a difference!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
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This really is a very important holiday this day of giving thanks. Not only is it an opportunity to spend time with family and friends over an especially delicious dinner but, it is a reminder itself of the importance that giving thanks, that gratitude has in our lives.
According to Harvard Health Giving thanks can make you happier studies have shown that “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.”
“Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
When I take a moment to focus on what I am grateful for it feels like my whole body takes a deep joyful breath of fullness!
I do have so very much to be thankful for even when I am going through a hard time, even when it’s cold and gray inside and out, even when a pain is sharp, even when I don’t want what is to be as it is. There still is room for gratitude. Plenty of room.
We really don’t have to look too far to see others who have far more challenging predicaments than we do! In those moments I am most grateful to have my life ‘stuff’ to content with rather than their life ‘stuff’. Even when my ‘stuff’ hurts like hell.
So, I challenge you to stop and smell the roses so to speak by offering a genuine heartfelt thanks to someone. Or by silently offering thanks for something you are in fact grateful to have been given.
It’s right there in front of you ready and waiting…just open your awareness and let the gift of gratitude fill up your heart!
If you are struggling with severe depression or anxiety, a loss this may be a very difficult if not impossible question to answer. Working through your challenges via Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy will help you to be able open your heart to the power of gratitude.
Do Contact me today if your struggling and would like to be able to bring gratitude into your life!
And do take a peek at the article listed above to explore ways to cultivate gratitude into your life!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools!
Did you know that your mental health is essential for your overall well being at every stage of your life? That being said it makes good sense then to invest time and energy to make your mental health a priority!
Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month it’s a perfect time to do a check in to see how well you are doing.
It’s likely you’ve been feeling a bit more stressed of late. You are not alone either. All one has to do is turn on the news or read an article or post on social media and bam we are hit with barrage of negativity.
Feels like the world is shouting at us from all directions. It’s noisy, loud and in our faces no matter where we look too. People are worked up, some scared and some angry. Even when driving we can encounter the intensity of those around us.
All this can lead to feeling more anxious, drained, perhaps a bit depressed too. We all are carrying a load these days. Sometimes we can’t really afford to power through it all.
Consequently we need to pause, recognize our emotional distress and find some tools to take good care of our emotional well-being.
It might seem kinda obvious, but really just how often do you ask yourself how you are feeling — and then pause to really consider your response?
Checking in on your mental health starts with assessing how you are feeling. Do you notice feeling stress, anxiety, worry, sadness, anger, irritability, depressed or other challenging emotions?
Use a scale of 1 to 10 to determine just how much of the emotional distress you carry with 1 being little and 10 being the highest. It can help to take note of how you feel at the same time each day.
Keep track in a notebook or journal, or simply keep a mental track of your numbers. If your number goes up, that’s a sign you need to pay attention to your mental health.
It’s also important to notice how you’re feeling physically, too. Some ways mental health concerns can show up physically include:
*Stress: Headaches, body pains, skin rashes, or worsening of chronic health problems
*Anxiety: Headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, or frequent urination
*Depression: Appetite changes, weight loss or gain, loss of energy, and unexplained aches and pains
So, take note of any of these physical symptoms of stress too!
So, turn your phone off or put it on do not disturb for a set period of time that you determine is needed for your peace of mind. Give yourself permission to disconnect from calls, texts, emails, alerts, social media, Facebook and the news too.
This can help you to reclaim some calm and a sense of control.
After all, the world will be there when you get back to it! And that’s whether you like it or not too!
We can ease anxiety and distress by noticing and focusing on our breathing. By taking a few deep, intentional breaths we can shift our entire mindset.
One way of practice is to: 1) Breathe in slowly. 2) Hold breath. 3) Breathe out.
Notice the breath coming into your nose and filling up your chest as it expands. Notice what happens as you hold your breath and then what occurs as you exhale. Doing this for just 60 seconds can lower your stress level.
When you practice breath focus you remind your nervous system that you are safe and there is no need to be on red alert. And then your system calms down with you.
By taking a walk-in nature, a hike through the woods, a group fitness class, or going to the gym you can increase your energy levels, reduce depression, and boost your mental health well-being.
Dance around the house while you do chores. You will not only get your work done, but dancing reduces levels of cortisol, a stress hormone in your body and increases endorphin’s, that are your body’s “feel-good” chemicals.
Stretching, yoga, tai-chi can all help with managing stress, relaxation, getting better sleep and are a way to help improve our mental health.
What are you doing to bring yourself joy? Can’t think of anything? Might be time to change that.
With so much to do and so much going on it’s easy to push leisure to the bottom of the pile. Taking time and making opportunity to be happy is important to your mental health.
Here are a few ways to incorporate joy into your life:
*You can create a gratitude journal. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Gratitude is a powerful way to shift your outlook. Seeing the glass half full is a wise perspective. Especially in the midst of challenges there are still things we can be thankful for.
*Do something new—plan a mini getaway, get creative with a new recipe, try painting a picture, do a new craft project, write a poem. Creative expression and positive well-being are linked and help relieve stress and anxiety too.
*Laugh—watch a funny movie or television show. Visit with loved ones who make you smile. Go hang out with a funny friend or check out funny videos online. Laughter helps reduce anxiety. Let laughter and smiles warm your heart.
*Spend time with a furry friend—your dog, cat, or another loving pet. Time with animals actually lowers the stress hormone – cortisol, and boosts oxytocin – which stimulates feelings of happiness. If you don’t have a pet you might hang out with a friend who does or volunteer at a shelter.
*Go sit outside in the sun for 15 minutes. Don’t forget the sunscreen. Sunlight synthesizes Vitamin D that experts believe is a mood elevator.
*Put a smile on your face. While it may not be easy to do, smiling does help to lower your heart rate and calms you down.
Having a strong support system is important for our mental health. Do you have someone(s) in your life who you consider trustworthy and loving and you can turn to when you need it most? If not perhaps it’s time to build up your support team.
Support team members can be a partner, sibling, healthcare provider, faith leader, friend or other trusted individual.
Do have at least one person in your life who you can trust to: give good advice when you need and ask for it, is respectful and trustworthy, gives you space to make your own decisions, grow, and even make mistakes too.
Also have someone(s) who actually listens to you and has your best interest at heart.
Support groups are a resource to find a group of people who can relate to your challenges and provide support. There are numerous kinds of support groups in every community too. Call 211 a help referral source here in Michigan to find a group near you.
Also, give yourself permission to reach out for professional counseling if your mental health is making it hard to function well with all the challenges you face.
Above all, remember that recognizing we need help and asking for it is indeed a strength!
Do Contact Me to begin therapy today! Don’t wait to take good care of yourself!
Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, PTSD Treatment, Substance Abuse Treatment
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tool
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Hey West Michigan the song birds are back! And, they are very happily singing away outside. Give yourself a mental health break and do go have a listen.
At one point on my walk I was surrounded by a variety of bird tunes. Literally it was like surround sound outside. The tune they all created just for me was beautiful.
I stopped walking and stood listening for a bit in awe and amazement. In addition I found myself smiling both inside and out. The chorus was just so delightful.
From such little bodies come such huge voices. They so freely give of their energy and spirit and bring such joy. They sound so happy too. It’s hard not to feel some of their excitement when you have a listen.
When was the last time you stopped and delibertly gave yourself a time out opportunity to improve your mental health? Research has shown being out in nature and hearing birds sing is beneficial for our mental health.
For more information about the benefits of listening to bird songs check out my blog post:
Looking for a way to improve your mental health?
Go give yourself a little mental health break. You might go for a walk, stand in your back yard, take a drive to find a wooded area and open your car window, head to a park to take a hike, have a sit on your front porch.
Most importantly open your ears, close your eyes and have a listen. Be present and savor the gift the song birds are creating just for you!
It is clear to me those little feathery friends of ours are glad to be back. Their joyful tunes tell me so. I for one am most happy to hear them singing once again.
I notice the tunes more keenly this time of year. So many of them are gone for the winter. It’s very apparent song birds are back. And I am grateful for the joy they bring to my heart!
So you can give them a chance to bring a smile to your face and in your heart too! All you gotta do is take a little mental health break and head outside. I wonder who is singing and what song they are creating now?
If you are looking for other ways to give yourself a mental health break especially if you are dealing with depression or anxiety or grief, Do Contact Me today to begin therapy and learn some additional life coping tools!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tool
March 7, 2023
I have a few crocuses planted in our front yard. Each year I look eagerly to see if, just if they have come up yet. They are a sign of spring hope. After the long often gloomy winters we have here in West Michigan they are eagerly awaited.
In 2023 on the 7th of March I was thrilled to see a tiny little purple ray of spring hope shining in my yard! She had popped out of the ground and made her debut. She was the only one who had been brave enough to poke her nose up out of the ground and bloom so early that year.
She was snowed upon more than once, iced upon and kept on coming back for more bloom time in March of 2023. She was not about to give up!
This year she has a partner who popped out to join her for their first spring appearance on March 12th. The snow had been piled high on top of them and just melted away a day or so before they bloomed.
Somedays when things have grown tough, I need a little reminder of the courage and strength of others who endure and keep on going and don’t give up.
It’s easy to get discouraged and even lose hope when things aren’t working out as fast or in the way as we hoped or want it to be. However, it’s important to learn how to ride the waves, turn the corners, hike up the mountain a bit further, and keep blooming in the face of adversity.
Fortunately, we don’t have to look very hard to find some spring hope whether it be a situation Mother Nature provides or a person we know of who like the ‘Energizer Bunny’ keeps on keeping on no matter what.
We can with intention openly take notice of the courage and strength on display in the world around us and allow this inspirational energy to flow into our hearts!
Take a long look at the people in your circle of the world. Notice who has weathered through hardships and the qualities they possess that helped them do so. Let them bring some spring hope into your heart.
Look at the worlds of Mother Nature around you. Notice the amazing feats of the animal, plant, insect, geographical worlds in your neighborhood. Soak it all in and let Mother Nature inspire your heart.
Do reach out for professional help. Sometimes therapy is what helps us find hope when life feels utterly dark and dreary.
Through Grief Therapy, Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, PTSD Treatment or Substance Abuse Treatment spring hope is possible to find.
Do Contact Me Today!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
March 11, 2023
March 14, 2023
March 25, 2023
March 12, 2025
In this happy heart month of February not everyone has a happy heart to share with others. This is a challenging time for many of us for all kinds of reasons. It is an opportune time for some good care taking.
Care taking and bearing witness to suffering of any kind is in itself very painful. I am reminded of that from the blog post 7/17/14, “Let me kiss it and make it all better” which still rings true for me today.
Back then I wrote: “It is painful to watch someone we love struggle through a hard time—it just is. We want to soothe away their distress and calm their fear and worries, but we can’t kiss it and make it all better.”
But as I wrote in 2014: “We can offer support, reassurance and love but we don’t have the power to make the wound go away. And even if we did, the life lessons to be gained from the challenges they face would be lost.”
Actually, we would be doing our loved one more harm than good if we cleared their slate and wiped it all away.
I’ve found it to be true for me in my life. As I noted in 2014: “I know I’ve learned so much from working through the really hard realities of my own inner turmoil”. I do know I would not be who I am today if I had not done all the hard work to be here, to have learned all it’s taken to get here.
“To give that struggle to those we love by simply hearing of it however, takes courage. It is painful to stand alongside someone and simply offer support and comfort.”
Yet that is what we all need on our life journey. The support and comfort we receive from another human being brings us connection. It is the connection that we need. We are not so alone. We learn we are not the only one. This is care taking at its finest.
When we muster the courage to share that inner most pain with someone we trust we begin to heal the wound. We do the work. And we learn and grow. Our resilience and strength grow too.
Care taking of ourselves is hard work. Facing pain from wounds takes courage. We might want to avoid the pain, wish it away, drink ourselves numb to it, or try to stuff it deep down inside. But until we take care of ourselves and face it and work through it, the wound in our heart remains wide open.
Validating our own experience can be a place to start. Writing in a journal or writing a letter to yourself can help you give words to legitimize the pain in your heart and start to face the wounds you carry.
Finding a trusted person to connect with and share of your pain can help your healing journey. Someone you can be open and honest with, who will accept you and validate your feelings and experiences. Someone who will offer support, reassurance and care.
Sometimes in care taking of ourselves it can be useful to give ourselves the opportunity to engage in professional therapy/counseling. This is especially important if we experience symptoms that truly interfere in our daily functioning.
Do remember that you can indeed do whatever it takes to help your wounded heart heal! And importantly, you deserve to do good care taking of you too!
In your care taking Do Contact Me to begin Depression Therapy, Anxiety Therapy, PTSD Treatment, Substance Abuse Treatment, Grief Therapy to help your wounded heart heal!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools!
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Believe it or not but election grief is a real thing. There are many kinds of losses.
Most of our understanding of grief however is based on losses that are clear ones like the death of a loved one. Many losses however are with situations that are unclear—like a loved one missing in action and the unknown if they will come back or be found. Or loss situations that are beyond our control—like the Covid pandemic when there was nothing we could do but learn to live with all the uncertainty. These are ambiguous losses.
“Ambiguous loss” is a term coined by Pauline Boss back in the 1970’s when she was a therapist working with the wives of soldiers missing in action during the Vietnam War.
Election grief is an ambiguous loss.
-the loss of hopes and dreams for a future you thought your candidate would bring
-the loss of a future that you wanted
-the loss of trust that the world is a safe place
-the loss of freedom over your body
-the loss of support for or from your neighbor and people who are different from you
There are no rituals, no funerals, no death certificate, no support, no comfort offered from others. We are just rather stuck in it and with it. It’s not clear either that you’ve actually lost something because you can’t see it. It is our perceptions that define exactly what has been lost. Our perceptions are unique to each one of us.
Some things to remember:
It is normal to grieve when you are experiencing something you didn’t expect, don’t like, came on suddenly and unexpectedly. In fact, it is a major loss. Accept it as one.
It is normal to feel angry and sad and numb and even scared or helpless and powerless too. Accept all your emotions.
It’s normal to carry sadness with us when we are attached to something, someone, some idea and lose it. It’s normal to remember it and not forget it, feel it years later as we reflect back. We don’t have to forget it either.
Some things to do:
Do something you can control in your house, your family, for yourself—do something that requires action and makes your body move.
Reflect on what is important to you, what you care about in yourself, you family, your community, the nation, the world. Write it down.
Cultivate your tolerance for uncertainty—go do something different, something new, get to know people you who are very different than you are. Stretch yourself.
Channel your energy into doing something to help bring change in your community, your family or in yourself. Change helps keep us going. Get yourself involved.
Importantly honor your grief. Be kind to yourself. This is a very difficult time. You are having a normal grief reaction to something you didn’t want to happen or expect it would either. Give yourself the space and time your need to grieve your loss. And know it’s ok to do so!
And know it’s ok to reach out for grief therapy if you need more support. Do Contact Me!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Information for this post was acquired from:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/election-grief-is-real-heres-how-to-cope/
Election day has finally come and gone. It’s been a very long election year filled with so much intense emotion. We are all weary and emotionally spent. Given the extreme dividedness our country it’s frightening to consider what just might come next.
This is a very important time to take a mental health break and explore the amount of stress you are carrying and practice some coping tools to help you chill your worked-up system.
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor,” said Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh. This meditation is a powerful tool to help remind us that feelings do indeed come and go.
Our breath is with us 24/7. We can use it to calm our stressed-up body when are minds are whirling with emotion. Our breath can ground us. Soothe us. Calm us.
And, all we need do it to take a few slow deep breaths no matter where we are and focus our mind on the air coming into and out of our nose and lungs, feel our chest expand with our inhale and contract when we exhale.
Head out doors and take a walk out in nature to see the clouds, watch the wind move the tree limbs, listen to the birds chirping, smell the air. Nature calms our system. Walking for even 10 minutes helps improve our mood. Walking reduces the stress hormone cortisol and helps us feel less stressed and more relaxed.
Go do something fun with a friend. Turn off the news and connect with the people around you.
Give yourself the opportunity to process your feelings about the election—the grief, disappointment, frustration, anger, guilt. It can help to write them out. Express them on paper. Let yourself have a good cry or pound on a pillow if you need to.
Think about what you are grateful for and write it down in a daily gratitude journal. Even in hard times there is much to be thankful for in our lives. Gratitude gives us strength.
Consider what you can and cannot control and put your energy into that which you can. We have choices to make about what we focus on.
Do reach out to a therapist if you are having difficulty coping with the stress that you are experiencing. It is a strength to ask for help when we need it!
We actually do things in common with each other. And we share core values as human beings.
We can make the choice to focus on those shared values rather than labeling people who think differently than we do as being extreme, or illogical or hateful.
Focusing on common ground builds connections. It is connection that helps reduce our overall stress. Because I am really not so different than you I don’t need to be so revved up, stressed out and live in fear of what is going to happen next.
It is up to each one of us to decide if we want to continue living in the stress we have been or take steps to build a healthier self, community and country too!
Just what choices are you goanna make?
Do Contact Me if you need some therapy support.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
