Phone: 616-217-9489 | eMail: jude@midlifetoolsforliving.com
JD's Midlife Tools For Living Practices, LLC
It never ceases to amaze me what information you can find on the internet for free. I’ve looked up a knitting stitches I’ve had trouble understanding from the picture and explanations in books. And, low and behold in the matter of seconds have found short video clips that help me see what I was missing. Not every change is a change challenge!
Not so many years ago, a problem like that would have involved a trip to the nearest knitting store or visiting a friend who knits for a skilled knitter to show me how to do it. And in less than a minute my dilemma was resolved. Just took an instant fix to a problem I was having.
In my life time there has been a tremendous amount of change. Often, I see value in the benefits change has provided. However, frequently I shake my head in frustration longing for the good old days when life was simpler! Or so it seems at times looking back.
Like you knew you’d find the products you’ve come to enjoy on the store shelf each week. Or, you could get something fixed when it broke or a part wore out. That’s all changed.
It’s a challenge to find some products I’ve come to enjoy! And, finding someone to fix things or locating parts at times can be more hassle than it is worth doing.
I am a “tech idiot”—a description I’ve given me as a way of laughing with myself and my tech follies. It’s also a way to explain to tech savvy people my level of skill when I am trying to talk with them about things I haven’t the proper words or understanding to communicate clearly to them.
Many years ago, the host of my website made some upgrades in the tools used to create the sites they host. I learned of this logging into my account to add a new blog post that week.
The upgrade changes challenged me greatly. It took me some time to learn how to use them. Sure, the host was very happy to have offered such new and improved tools to their customers. I however, was not at all happy. In fact, I was so frustrated that for about 24 hours I considered whether or not to delete my website or move it someplace else.
After the frustrated energy inside me dissipated, my wise mind kicked in. I was able to see more clearly and realized that no matter what I want, technology change challenge is going to keep right on happening.
My minimal skill level will either continue to be a source of frustration for me or I can use each change challenge as an opportunity to learn a new skill or two.
There is no sense swimming upstream against the current of change and waste precious time, energy and peace of mind. It is what it is.
And I am who I am, a generation or two removed from what’s currently being taught in school. It’s a great big world of things to learn.
So, it’s good for me to remember just how simple and easy it is to locate solutions to my knitting problems when some new “fangled” change challenge phenomena get under my skin!
How are you at negotiating through the change challenges in your life? What tools help you cope?
If you are having some extra stress adapting to change challenges, Do Contact Me! I can assist you with learning some life coping tools like how to find your wise mind! You have one too!
I offer Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy, Grief Therapy, PTSD Treatment and Substance Abuse Treatment.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Turns out you just might want to watch the sun come up or go down more often. Research has shown there are awe effect mental health benefits from seeing the sun rise or set.
I took my coffee cup and went for a sunrise stroll this morning, for the first time in a while. It’s done my heart some definite good. I witnessed the beauty the pictures in this post reflect.
Think back on a time you saw a beautiful sunset or sunrise. Remember how you felt?
Likely you experienced a sense of awe inspired by the view you took in.
I remember driving home this winter and the sun was setting off in the distance. The sky was enormous and filled with beautiful shades of orange from the sun, blue from the sky and gray from a few clouds. I can still see the scene in my minds eye. It was stunning. I gasped and uttered a big ‘wow’. And smiled all the way home.
The awe effect of that great huge sun rising or setting inspires us and that is what has a positive impact on our mental health.
An awe effect occurs when we experience something so immense and so profound that we can’t quite comprehend it. The experience itself changes our perception, and even brings on physical responses like tears or chills.
We tend to over think when we are too inwardly focused. This creates or adds to our anxiety. In addition, we can get stuck in those negative loops of thought, too.
But when we experience something we feel awed by; the awe effect interrupts that loop of negative thoughts. We are more present and focus outward. As a result, we’re not stuck up in our heads thinking and thinking and thinking. And stuck in those negative thought loops.
Importantly, people who experience awe or joy often have lower levels of cytokines. Cytokines are a marker of inflammation in our body. Higher levels of cytokines in our body make us at higher risk for depression and also diabetes and cardiovascular diseases too.
In addition, experiencing an awe effect can help us be a kinder person. Feeling small while experiencing something stunningly magnificent inspires us to be more altruistic according to research. If you are awe-struck watching the beauty of a sunset or sunrise you just may find yourself having more compassion and be helpful to those around you.
It’s hard not to experience an awe effect when watching that great huge orange ball in the sky coming up or going down!
So, do you wanna feel better emotionally? Get out to see the sun set or rise! Experience the awe effect. It can’t hurt. And, it sure does look like it will definitely help! Trust me today I feel it too!
Remember: Anxiety Therapy and Depression Therapy will help you add more skills to your life coping tools box! Contact Me to get started!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Photo by RDNE Stock project: pexels
It’s one thing to learn of a domestic violence (DV) murder or murder-suicide that happens in another area and very different when it happens so close to home as it has here in West Michigan. When domestic violence trauma events strike close to home it affects the community as a whole.
Our sense of safety, stability and connection can be disrupted. That is especially true for those who have survived past DV abuse. They can become triggered by reminders of their past abuse as the current events are revealed. Suddenly it can feel not so safe again in their own home.
Even if you were not directly affected just knowing this violence has occurred here can have an impact on your well-being.
Exposure to violence or traumatic events affects our body and nervous system. Our body has a threat response system that goes on high alert when facing a traumatic event.
Your brain’s threat detection system kicks in automatically. It releases adrenaline into your blood that speeds your system up, pushing blood into your big muscles to help prepare you to attack or escape or even freeze.
Our nervous system becomes overwhelmed and dysregulated. We can find ourselves feeling shocked or distressed, afraid or anxious, on edge or irritable.
Might feel disconnected or numb, angry or frustrated or even grief or sadness. We may become exhausted or overwhelmed, even experience confusion or disbelief.
You may notice some tension in your muscles, be breathing shallow and have a rapid heart rate.
Someone who has experienced domestic violence trauma in the past can be triggered by news that reminds them of their past traumatic event. It can trigger symptoms of PTSD and feelings associated with their past trauma.
Current DV trauma events can bring on not only uncomfortable feelings but debilitating memories too. And the body’s alarm bell goes off which causes the survivor to become emotionally dysregulated. As a result, they can get stuck in that survival mode too.
DV survivors might find themselves being extra cautions, checking for updates about the event, looking with more suspicion at people or situations, or replaying details of their own traumatic past.
The survivor’s brain may not recognize that their own danger is in the past.
It’s important to recognize if you are being triggered and to manage your trauma reactions as they happen.
If you feel intense fear do some deep breathing to help calm your system, listen to soothing music.
Go outside and let mother nature work her wonders to calm you as you pay attention to the greenery and especially the bird tunes you hear.
Distract yourself—watch a comedy, count backwards from 100, look around the room and name everything you see.
Get moving—go for a walk, dance around the room.
Ground yourself by stomping your feet, notice your body parts that touch the chair you are sitting in and really feel those sensations, pet your furry friend, squish a stress ball.
Talk with someone that you trust will understand what you are going through.
And do remember to reach for therapy support if you are having difficulty managing your reactions to these very unsettling ever so close domestic violence trauma events!
Do Contact Me! I offer PTSD Treatment, Anxiety Therapy, Grief Therapy.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Just so you know, it’s normal to feel some heightened stress when wildfire smoke is in the air! Wildfire smoke does affect your mental health! Studies show it can worsen conditions like depression, anxiety and mood disorders.
If you think about it you are likely to be staying indoors more. You are limiting outside and physical activities. Plans you made might have to be canceled. You could be worried about how loved ones are doing too. Feel more isolated stuck indoors. Even deciding when to go out and how to protect yourself is burdensome too.
All this adds up. So, the longer the wildfire smoke sticks around the more important it is to take good care of your mental health!
How stress shows up is unique for each one of us. It includes having feelings of worry, frustration, anger, or sadness. Experiencing a loss of appetite.
You might find yourself being very tired or have less energy. Have trouble concentrating or making decisions. Nightmares and trouble sleeping can happen too.
Also, headaches, upset stomach, and even skin rashes are possible to experience and any chronic health problems you have might get worse. You could find yourself using more alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs to cope with it all too.
In children you might notice clinginess, fears, or acting like a younger child. And behaving uncooperatively, or being irritable.
Be sure to eat healthy, stay hydrated, get enough sleep and exercise but only when and where its healthy to do so.
Do share your feelings and connect with family and friends. Make an extra effort to not stay isolated.
Give yourself time and permission to do things you enjoy and relax and unwind. It’s not easy experiencing that gray foggy smoky air outside.
Ask for help too! It’s ok to reach for therapy support if your distress is just too much.
Do contact me! Anxiety therapy and depression therapy will help you learn some additional coping skills!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Photo by Chris Alo: Pexels
Whether or not you voted for him, have you wondered “How does Trump keep getting away with that?” Or “Is anyone going to stop him?” No matter what party you affiliate with you may very well be experiencing ‘betrayal trauma.’
Trump is able to make so many unchecked decisions, unfiltered outbursts and like the energizer bunny he keeps on going. It seems so unreal that he is able to keep doing these things too!
‘Betrayal trauma’ is a psychological response that occurs when a person or institution who you depend for survival, emotional safety, or stability significantly violates your trust. The term was pioneered by the psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd.
When the source of your harm is also the source of your security this trauma can be very devastating. And it takes a toll.
Hyper-vigilance & Anxiety: You are in a constant state of scanning for threats because your sense of physical or emotional safety has been shattered.
Dissociation & Memory Fog: You feel detached from reality or block out details of the betrayal to protect yourself from the full impact.
Intrusive Thoughts: You relive the moment of betrayal or obsessively question.
Physical Manifestations: You might be chronically fatigued, have tension headaches, and gastrointestinal issues due to having a dysregulated nervous system.
The preamble of our constitution states:
“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”
We the people have had some faith and expectations in our system and government institutions. Our country was founded on some basic principles and rights. A democracy where people vote for representatives who are supposed to consider and care for the voters they represent. Our voices are supposed to matter. There’s a level of fairness and equality and accountability built into our system. We’ve trusted that.
It’s just not fair when someone gets away with doing so many things without any real accountability. When no one stands up to question and to stop it when rights are taken away, or excessive money is being spent, or a war is being fought without Congressional approval, or chaotic midnight social media rants happen our trust in this system erodes.
A sense of betrayal looms over us. We don’t feel safe. Worry about what’s to happen next. Feel depressed and hopeless. We lose our footing. The ground is no longer solid. We don’t know what the truth is or rules are anymore. Life becomes very unsettling.
Trauma, ‘betrayal trauma’ sets in.
It’s important to clearly recognize what is happening in the country and also inside of you. Validate your experiences and distress. It makes sense to feel as you do.
Put limits on your news intake or the doomscrolling that you do. It’s easy to become overwhelmed.
Make sure you connect with your friends, people in your community. Shared experiences bring relief. Help your community in some way—volunteer, make the little changes that only you can do.
Check out these additional blog posts of mine to learn a few other coping strategies:
Noticing any ripples of anxiety?
Looking for ways to improve your mental health?
Gee whiz every day there is yet another trauma event to cope with!
To lower your anxiety, try ‘grandma hobbies’
Reach out for therapy support if your symptoms of trauma are intense and you struggle to cope with it all.
Contact me! PTSD Treatment or trauma therapy, Anxiety Therapy and Depression Therapy do help!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Wisdom comes and wisdom goes. I’ve been out of sorts of late. Just not centered. Rather I am off with a furrowed brow inside and out more often than not.
Many years ago, I was gifted a wisdom filled fortune cookie. I saved the little paper so neatly placed inside the cookie. And every now and again it speaks loudly to me when I read it along with my other daily meditations.
It says: “Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.”
Reading that fortune cookie insert this morning, I realized where my wisdom went. I’ve been spending too much energy dwelling on the negative. There’s been a lot of that out there to see.
From the price of gas, to a war costing so much money that could be better used in so many ways—all kinds of negative staring me in the face. And that’s just a couple of examples too.
That is an important recognition for me today. Every time I allow my mind to focus on those negatives out there I give my power away. And my wisdom goes out the door.
The power to be fully grounded in the present moment. To be right here right now smelling toast being made, watching the sun glistening on the wet tree leaves, hearing the crackle of eggs being fried, feeling my feet touching the floor, noticing my breath fill my lungs, tasting a fresh cup of coffee.
The power to be at peace inside and out.
When I am up in my head I am not fully present. I am lost meandering around in my thoughts. And my body reacts to those thoughts too. I get a furrowed brow when I think of those negatives that are out there. Look and feel grumpy too.
Wisdom comes when I realize all that thinking is just that: thoughts. And pretty much judgment thoughts too. Recognizing this I have a choice.
I can continue to dwell on the negative thoughts adding to its power over me. Or I can opt to be in the here and now otherwise known as the present. Where I can live fully with the power of wisdom I have and not just give it all away.
To love ourselves we gotta be both patient and kind. I sure have to give myself a heavy dose of self-compassion.
Because I’ve been down this rabbit hole so many times. I’ve fallen off the horse so many times. And I’ve had to figure out how to get back up and keep riding so many times.
If I were to dwell of the negative of all that just said I’d be giving away my power! And that’s exactly what I am trying NOT to do!
Ah life…constantly learning aren’t we!
All the negative dwelling thoughts we get caught up in do contribute to feelings of anxiety, hopelessness, depression. If you find yourself struggling know there is wisdom in seeking therapy!
Do contact me. Anxiety therapy, Depression therapy can assist you in finding the wisdom that resides inside of you!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Photo by cottonbro studio from Pexels
It turns out that old fashioned ‘grandma hobbies’ can be helpful for our mental health!
In fact, according to an American Psychological Association 2023 survey Americans who rated their mental health as excellent and very good were more likely to involved themselves with creative activities. Those who rated their mental health as poor or fair were less likely to do so.
They are activities that do not involve phones, computers, pads or anything digital. They are hands on and historically been associated with older generations.
Activities like:
Knitting and crocheting
Doing cross-stitch and embroidery
Painting, drawing, and working with pastels
Gardening or growing herbs
Baking from scratch
Letter-writing—hand written
Doing no tech puzzles
Playing board games
Sewing quilts or doing patchwork
These hobbies help slow us doing, engage our senses which helps ground us to be mentally present and fulfills our thirst for creativity.
These creative hobbies help to activate our parasympathetic nervous system. And that calms us to be in a rest and digest state.
We get a break from the digital world…can’t exactly knit and scroll your phone! The digital world often overwhelms our nervous system and drains us. Being tech free is a way to move your mind into a state of calm.
‘Grandma hobbies’ can be rewarding too. You get to see tangible results. And you might even get to sample a delicious cookie or yummy muffin! Or see your flower garden blooming with color! Perhaps even wear a scarf that you knitted or crocheted yourself!
We live in a stressful time. Finding ways to cope with anxiety surrounding world events, political turmoil, economic and environmental uncertainty on top of day to day work and daily living stress is very important for each of us to do.
‘Grandma hobbies’ are another kind of coping tool to add to your coping tool box. They can help us take a step back, slow down and use our brains differently. And best of all help us relax!
If you need to expand your anxiety coping tool box do contact me. Engaging in Anxiety Therapy will help you add to your coping tool box!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Photo by Yulia Polyakova, Pexels
I’ve been feeling a tad on the cranky side lately and just learned something new from my husband—RBF or ‘resting bitch face.’
Well, I had to look that one up. The Cambridge Dictionary says and that RBF is “a slang term for a neutral or relaxed facial expression that unintentionally appears angry, annoyed, contemptuous, or serious.”
Honestly, I am not sure that fits because I suspect the RBF in me is more intentional grumpy looking! The inside me reflected on the outside.
From the war, to the weather, to the slow ‘I don’t know where I am going’ Tulip Time visitor traffic here in Holland, Michigan, to the price of gas—it’s not hard to find something that makes me crabby or brings me down. The RBF on me isn’t relaxed and resting at all. She’s more like frustrated and even feeling a tad bit hopeless.
It’s easy in this RBF state for me to see a lot of half empty glasses. I don’t have to look too far to see something that I really do not like at all.
All that negativity inside is really rather sticky. It likes to collect things and grabs on for a strong hold. As it builds it becomes too easy to ignore all the half full glasses sitting within my eye sights’ reach.
That is a good question to ponder. I do have a choice. Even in the midst of my RBF showing I still do have a choice.
Being aware or mindful is the key to unlocking that scowling mind and face of mine. Once I notice what I am doing inside and outside I can opt to continue or perhaps search for a glass half full!
For example: my gas tank is ¾ full, the lovely flowering trees in town that are full of beautiful pink and white blooms, the air that smells so sweet this time of year when it rains.
Also: the flickering leaves dancing in the wind, the peace I feel walking in my neighborhood, the darling cat of mine all curled up sleeping so sweetly in the sunshine—all of which bring a smile to my face and inside my heart too.
It’s hard to be RBF when I take notice of these sorts of things right here in front of me. They are just sitting here waiting to be experienced.
‘RPF’ is my newly invented term and goal—’resting peaceful face’. It’s a much calmer place to be inside and out. I know this shift will have to happen more than once or twice. More like a zillion times. It just will.
Each time I find my RPF once again is a victory to be celebrated. The negative energy is not pulling me down! Rather the positive energy is lifting me up enabling me to better cope with the challenges in the world around me.
If with today’s challenges are you are all too often showing your RBF perhaps it’s time to reach for Anxiety Therapy or Depression Therapy. So, you can find your RPF! Do contact me today…I get it. Right now, is a really hard time!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Just recently right here in Holland, MI I gasped seeing gas priced at $4.99 a gallon! I don’t recall seeing that here in Michigan before. And, I began to experience little ripples of anxiety that led to me being a tad on the cranky side too.
I must confess it’s taking me a bit to work myself out of my cranky side. It comes and goes. Mostly depending on what my mind is focused on.
It’s so easy to get all caught up in my thoughts. Those thoughts can so easily produce doom and gloom, frustration and hopelessness and lots of worry and anxiety too. I feel that tension in my body—stomach uneasy, tight neck, shoulders and jaw muscles.
In reality, all that doom gloom and ripples of anxiety about the future I create with my mind. And it is nothing but my own darn thoughts. It’s not real. They are just thoughts.
What is real are the signs depicting the price of gas at this moment. And right now, I do have choices. For example, I can buy some or none, use less or the same.
In addition, I can notice the thoughts that lead to those ripples of anxiety, label them as thoughts and let them go to trickle down the stream of my mind’s thoughts. I don’t have to hold on to the and replay them over and over again creating not only ripples of anxiety but misery too.
There are some simple tools we can use to diminish the intensity level of those ripples of anxiety. These tools are actually most helpful if we practice with them on a regular basis too.
-Take a breath break. Simply sit quietly, close your eyes and notice your breathing. When your mind wanders away as it will do, notice that and gently and kindly bring it back to your breath. Do this for a few minutes or for a certain number of breaths. Even a couple of deep breaths will calm your system.
-Go for a walk outside. Notice what you see, smell, hear. Especially pay attention to those bird tunes. They brighten us inside just hearing them sing.
-Grab a pen and paper. Write down a list of things you are grateful for today. Big and small stuff it all matters. Gratitude is a powerful influence on our emotional state.
-Listen to some music. And an added benefit would be to move your body as in dance to the tunes you are hearing. Both music and movement help our body to relax.
If you are struggling with current events and can’t work your way out of those ripples of anxiety do know you are not alone. Recent reports point to a rise in the number of us experiencing increased anxiety.
Do reach out for support and that includes seeking Anxiety Therapy. You can contact me today to start your healing journey!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Image by: freepik
Several years ago, I had a professional manicure and it was yummy. It was fun to have fancy fingers for a while. It was even better to have rid myself of some shame I had carried for a very long time. I went on a ‘shame diet’ that day.
I realized in the mist of my manicure what it was that kept me from having the experience sooner in my life. When I was in high school way back a thousand years ago, in speech class we had to do a demonstration speech. I was a very awkward freshman that year.
One of my classmates was in a cosmetology program and she did a demonstration speech on doing a manicure and asked for a volunteer. I was up in the front and offered. But she took one look at my fingernails and made a disparaging comment about my nails and found someone else.
I don’t recall anything else about her speech except her arguing with the teacher about whether it was ok to cut cuticles or not…she said it was and the speech teacher said NO!
So, I asked my manicurist that day whether it was ok or not since I wondered all those years. And yes, Mrs. grumpy whatever your name is speech teacher, it is ok to cut cuticles!
That comment and my shame about my nails kept me from having someone give me a manicure for so many years!
Comments we make towards others can have dramatic effects on them. I understand that the student needed an easier set of fingernails to tackle for her 3-minute speech. I don’t blame her at all. But, that comment made in front of a whole classroom of people stayed with me all those years.
What I did as the manicurist worked on my nails was to tell her a bit of my story which allowed me to release the shame I had carried all those years…finally and thankfully too!
We all experience shame in life in varying degrees. It’s just a part of the human condition.
Circumstances come together in ways that affect us. I might have been able to brush off that comment if other things had been different in my life up until the moment it was made.
What is most important is that we give ourselves the gift of opening up with someone we can trust about the shame we carry so we can release the load.
I have to admit that I did feel a tad bit lighter that day leaving the salon…I call it a “shame diet”!
1. What is an experience from the past that you carry and are willing and ready to lose the weight of today?
2. Determine who might you confide in to share your experience.
3. And then make time to share of your experience to lighten your load!
If the shame you carry is too overwhelming do reach out for some professional help. You can Contact Me today and get your ‘shame diet’ started!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Photo by Angelica Reyn; Pexels.com
A functional freeze is a very real and adaptive coping mechanism. The person is not stuck or frozen rather they go through the motions of life but are not fully present. They are disconnected and acting on autopilot. It can last for minutes, hours, days or even weeks.
A functional freeze response can be triggered by a number of things like having high levels of stress at work or home, or from intense conflicts in a relationship.
Functional freeze reactions are automatic. They are a way your body helps you avoid distressing emotions, thoughts or sensations.
Under stress our brain activates our body’s sympathetic nervous system. When our nervous system is repeatedly overwhelmed a functional freeze response can occur.
It’s unlikely for you to experience a functional freeze response after one single trauma incident. Rather those coming from chaotic or abusive households, childhoods or workplaces are more susceptible to developing them.
When someone is in a functional freeze they may feel emotionally numb, tired but wired, and have buzzing anxiety. In addition, they can experience feelings of dread, irritability, sudden sadness, and detachment. Also they may feel trapped, have extreme panic and blunted feelings.
Their thinking may be slowed. They can have confusion and difficulty making decisions. In addition be speechless, have reduced responsiveness, and difficulty with memory retrieval. They can have a sense of unreality, a mind that goes blank and have racing thoughts. Also, they can fear losing control.
Some physical effects include lowered heart rate and slowed breathing. They may hold their breath, be immobile. Also they can experience fainting, muscle tension, cold extremities, and heavy sweating. And, they can be hyper-vigilant, stare, and tremble too.
As a result it can feel as if life isn’t real. In addition, people report having brain fog—exhaustion, difficulty concentrating or be emotionally unresponsive.
Everyone’s experience is unique to them. And, it can be difficult for others to see this going on underneath the polished exterior we present to the world.
Functional freeze experiences do get in the way of experiencing joy, and making connections with others too. As a result, it can be difficult to find meaning in life.
People feel checked out and stuck. Importantly, they report missing out on pursing life goals and dreams.
Grounding techniques are the best way to break free. Importantly, these are tools to help you be present in your environment.
-Notice and say to yourself 5 things that you see right now, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell and 1 thing you taste.
-Stomp your feet on the ground.
-Pick a color and identify 5 objects you see in that color.
-Pick up an object near you and notice how it feels—soft or hard, heavy or light, smooth or ruff and describe it to yourself.
-Describe in detail everything that you see around you—the colors, the smells, the textures, the temperature.
-Touch something that feels comforting to you—a blanket, stone, favorite sweater. Importantly, think about how it feels and notice the sensations as you touch or hold it.
-Listen to music. And notice any sensations you feel as you listen.
-Take a short walk. Concentrate on your steps and how it feels to put one foot on the ground and lift it and then the other.
-Clench your fists and hold. Importantly, notice the difference you experience as you release your hands.
-Stretch your body, hands up over your head, stretch and reach upwards, hold and release.
So these tools can help you begin to reconnect with the world around you. Certainly remember it takes practice and patience with yourself too.
Do contact me. PTSD Treatment and Anxiety Therapy can assist you in reconnecting yourself to the world around you!
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
Photo by Karolina Grabowska; Pexels.com
We can be manipulated in any kind of relationship–at work, in friendships and in our family. Basically people pressure others in sneaky ways to get what they want.
As a result, they have control and power over you. They control how you act and take away your ability to think and feel for yourself.
Being manipulated affects our relationship with that person, with others in our lives and with our own mental health too! It hurts.
-You feel guilty—the manipulator portrays themself as the victim or makes it seem like you owe them.
-You doubt yourself—after being told you can’t do something or don’t understand you start to believe it.
-You are coerced to do they want—they are angry and blow up even in front of others so you give in.
-You feel less than—they compare you to others, you don’t measure up and they insist they are just trying to motivate you to do better.
-You get charmed—they shower you with compliments and praise to build your trust to get what they want.
-You feel threatened—they give ultimatums and threats to get their way.
Those who manipulate others are skilled at spotting weaknesses in others and they figure out how to use this to their advantage against you. Also, they don’t give up easily.
A manipulator gets you out of your comfort zone so they have more control.
They alter and twist facts, lie, make excuses, blame you, only share some of the facts. They will exaggerate, generalize and make vague accusations.
Manipulators use humor in a cruel way to poke fun at your weaknesses, judging you openly. They ‘gaslight’ you by saying something you know happened never did or was never said.
Manipulators are passive-aggressive using indirect ways to express their anger. Or give you the silent treatment to punish you.
Being manipulated takes an emotional toll. It’s important to find a safe way out of the situation.
Above all step back and look at the situation, at the facts. Trust your gut. Especially consider what your intuition is telling you about the person and how you are being treated.
Importantly, put some distance between yourself and the manipulator. Consider how you want to be treated and what you need from others to be happy. Think about what you want and need in your relationships.
Set some boundaries. Limit how often you see and interact with the manipulator. Limit what you share. Keep your conversations short and very general. Respond unemotionally when they attempt to get you worked up.
Pause for a moment before you agree to do anything the manipulator asks or demands of you. Ask yourself if that is really something you want to do or if it is not.
Remember you have the right to say ‘yes ‘and importantly ‘no’ to anyone or to any request made of you! And, do exercise your right to say no when you want and need to.
Additionally get support for yourself when you are being manipulated. It is very painful and confusing to be manipulated. It hurts deeply too.
Reaching for help is especially important if the situation is abusive in any way. If you are in immediate danger call 911. The National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE or text START to 88788 are resources too.
Do contact me. Anxiety Therapy, Depression Therapy and PTSD Treatment helps heal the wounds that being manipulated creates.
JD’s Midlife Tools For Living Practices, Holland, MI
Offering Heartfelt care, Compassion and Coping Tools
